Tuesday, 10 December 2013

Too blessed to be depressed

Christmas time is always bittersweet.

When I was little, my parents made Christmas magical.  No matter how hard times were for them financially, there were always tons of presents under the tree filling the family room.  They went to great lengths to keep the magic alive and I believed in Santa until I was well past 12 years old.  Our extended family all lived in England, so it was just the four of us.  We had some very close friends who we spent time with though and they filled the missing family shoes.

After Dad died, things were different.  Christmas has never been the same.  When Joanne died, the little spark that was left disappeared.  Now, we sort of just go through the motions.  I try to make Christmas special for my boys, but as they get older, it gets harder to get really excited.  Tyler, our Elf on the Shelf has lightened the mood a little.  Threepeat gets such a kick out of finding Tyler every morning...it's very cute.  But this year, it was all I could muster to put up and decorate the tree.  I don't have any wreaths on the doors, no garland up the stairs, no decorations on the fireplace mantle.  I just can't be bothered.

But...

My Christmas shopping is all but done!  I only have stocking stuffers and gift cards left to buy!  I will have Boy Oneder help me with do all the wrapping, which I despise doing!  So at least the shopping stress is gone.

I also realize that although my heart is heavy and I am missing my Dad and sister tremendously, that I am so, so blessed.  I have a wonderful husband and fantastic sons.  I have a warm, beautiful home and food in my belly.  I have a great Mom and mother-in-law and amazing friends.  This is also the first year when I don't have to deal with drama and stress from people who do not deserve to be a part of our lives.  This year, I won't feel sick to my stomach, anticipating the arrival of hateful, negative people on Christmas Day.  That, my friends, is a wonderful thing!  On the nights when I cry myself to sleep, I wake up realizing just how lucky I am in the grand scheme of things.

And so, I am MUCH too blessed to be depressed.

Merry Christmas!  Only 14 more sleeps!  :) Pin It

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