Sunday, 20 May 2012

8 years


Losing someone to a young death sucks.  My Dad died at the young age of 57.  He was such a vibrant, energetic 52 year old man who lived like an 18 year old, when he was diagnosed with Acute Lymphatic Leukemia.  ("ALL").  ALL is typically a childhood cancer and so treating him was difficult.  Children, believe it or not, are given much higher doses of chemotherapy than adults.  I assume that's because their cells multiply quicker.  But giving that high dose of chemo to a grown man would likely kill him rather quickly, so they had to modify the protocol for ALL treatment for my Dad.

The chemo bought my Daddy another 4.5 years of life, but really, not a quality life.  He had inner ear damage from the poison they used to try to save him.  That damage caused him to use a cane because he was so dizzy all the time.  He could no longer hear out of his left ear. He couldn't ride his motorcycle anymore, he couldn't drive....it was awful to see him suffer not only physically, but mentally as well.

In the end, the cancer came back after a third remission.  This time, it was in his spine and brain as well as his blood.  He made the decision to stop all treatments and let nature take its course.  It broke all of our hearts, but we knew he was tired.  We knew that this time was different and that all the chemo in the world would not save him.  We reluctantly accepted his decision and prepared ourselves.

On Thursday, May 20th, 2004, my Daddy went to Heaven.  I miss him still so very much.

I found a poem I wrote for my Dad the month before he died and thought I would again…

It seems like yesterday that I wrote it.

You fought a valiant battle
We thought that you had won
But the cancer has returned
Your war is almost done.

The doctors tried their best you see
To make you well again
But cancer is an evil thing
That causes fear and pain.

Your journey’s coming to an end
Your life on earth, near through
But please, don’t ever forget Dad
How much we all love you.

Your life is being taken
We all know you’re not old
Your days on earth are numbered
We accept the truth we’re told.

I hope your trip to Heaven
Is as quick as it can be
Although I’ll miss you dearly,
I will know that you are free.

I pray that Heaven does exist
And that you’ll always be
Forever in Eternity
Waiting there for me.

Keep a place for me up there
With Jesus as your friend
So that when we meet again dear Dad
The bond we share won’t end.

You are my Dad, my friend, my rock
I so look up to you
What will I do without you Dad
You are my world, it’s true.

The memories come flooding back
How you’ve been there for me
You’ve made me everything I am
And what I’m yet to be.

The tears are falling down like rain
My heart is torn in two
Oh Daddy, please watch over me
In everything I do.

I will always remember you
And the life you gave to me
Your courage and your love for us
Make it effortless to see.

Peace and love be with you
Until your journey’s through
Please remember Daddy
How much I do love you.

~ Dawn, April 4th, 2004
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1 comment:

Kate said...

You loved him well and he knew it. He'd be proud of you.

As heartbreaking as this loss was, and remains today, it was the catalyst for you and I growing closer together. A true blessing to me.

Praying for you today, friend. You are loved.

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