Friday, 22 July 2011

Bearing a cross

We all carry our crosses. Some of us have little itty bitty toothpicks stuck together with crazy glue and others have humungous 50 foot logs, tied together with heavy chains. Sometimes, the itty bitty tootpicks get HUGE and are almost unbearable to carry and those honkin' logs sometimes shrink down to little toothpicks. Then there are people whose crosses are somewhere in between. We all carry our crosses EVERYWHERE we go, EVERY day of our lives.

Envy and jealousy of others is what can make your toothpicks turn into logs in the blink of an eye. Looking at "John" and his seemingly small cross makes me angry on the days when my cross is bearable liftable. I get to feeling all sorry for myself and angry as heck because *I* deserve a smaller burden to carry than that damned "John"! I have lots of days like that. But, in the past, I neglected to think that maybe to John, his toothpicks felt like lead. On the outside, his life was wonderful, but no one knows what is going on INSIDE...depression, anger, frustration...

But lately, something has changed. Lately, I don't look at "John" anymore. I am now looking at "Jane" who has a MASSIVE cross to bear. She may have a sick child, may be sick herself, may have lost her husband or her best friend. She may cry every night because of fear or she may have no food to put into her family's bellies.

I am so blessed in my life. I have healthy, beautiful, smart, GOOD boys. I have a wonderful, loving husband. I have a Mommy who loves me and a chosen few friends who stick by me through ANYTHING. I have a beautiful house, cars, all the gadgets I could ever wish for, an abundance of food for my family and most importantly, we all have our health. It soounds lovely right? Just typing that out made me feel good. :)

But, it's not all roses and rainbows. I have very, very low days. Lower than you can even imagine, where my cross is crushing my spine. Missing my Daddy and my sister every single day. Getting through the day sometimes seems impossible. But I have found that lately, I am thinking of things from a glass half full perspective. I'm not sure what changed, but the most important thing is that it HAS changed. I no longer let anger and hatred hang off of my cross. I no longer have expectations of anyone. If someone wants to do something nice for me, I appreciate it, but I no longer expect it because it is what *I* would do.

I have rid myself of much guilt, anger, sadness and oh so much drama. And I am truly a better person for it. My cross has gone from logs to toothpicks and I am able to walk proudly with that itty bitty cross on my shoulders. I think it's also enabled me to help others when their cross is too heavy to bear. I am fun to be around again! ;o)

So, next time you are having a log heavy cross day, look around you...I guarantee you that if you look hard enough, you will find someone who is sruggling to stand on their feet from the weight of THEIR cross. Maybe on that day, you can put your cross down for a minute and help them carry theirs. :) Just a thought.

Have a great weekend! Pin It

1 comment:

JennT said...

Bless you, Dawn. This is just what I needed to read. I only wish I had seen it sooner. It's been a rough week.

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