Wednesday, 6 October 2010

Bullying

Single Dad Laughing posted one of the most amazing posts I have ever read yesterday. It's a very, very long post, but one that everyone should read.

After almost crying at the pain he endured as a child, and reading so many comments from others who had been bullied, the pain that I suffered at the hands of a bully came right back. Bullying is one of those things that no one likes, no one agrees with, but unless you have BEEN bullied yourself, you can never truly understand. The terror that lives in your heart...the fear of going to school...constantly looking over your shoulder to make sure the bully isn't around...making excuses to leave school early so that you can get a head start on running home. It is hell.

I thought today would be a good day to bring back a post I originally wrote in 2007.

Enjoy:

All my life, I have dealt with mean girls, and it hasn’t ended yet.

It began when I was about 10 years old. Angie, this wicked, evil child who I am sure is in a mental institution these days, threatened me, chased me home and when she finally caught me, kicked the CRAP outta me. There were others too, who just took pleasure in my pain and my fear.

After living the terror of bullying, I swore that my children would never, ever be afraid to go to school or to play outside…EVER. So far, so good. Both of my older boys are popular and have alot of friends. The school is very good with the anti-bullying campaigns as well.

We have the boys in karate. Boy Oneder is a blue belt and Middleman is a red belt. At least I know that if anyone ever messes with them, they will be able to defend themselves, unlike me.

When I was bullied, my parents didn’t interfere for fear of making the situation worse. If my parents were seen as “fighting my battles”, it would only serve to fuel the bullies’ terrorfest. I would have been seen as a complete weakling. Bless their hearts, my parents thought they were doing the right thing, but in hindsight, they were dead wrong. Angie should have been stopped. I wasn’t the only one who was terrorized…there were many others. Seriously, this girl was messed up. She was sexually abusive as well as mentally and physically abusive. She needed help. I pray that she has changed today because I understand that she has children. I don’t know how someone so twisted can change, but I pray she has.

I think that my run-ins with Angie have made me the fearful adult I am today. I let certain people walk all over me. I let them get away with saying and doing nasty things. They hurt me emotionally. Obviously, the physical aspect of bullying is gone because I could sue their asses off if they touched me now, but, the old saying, “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me”, is SO untrue. It was untrue THEN and it remains untrue now. Bruises heal. The hurt inside someone remains…and it continues to hurt.

I think I have made some progress because I do speak up for myself sometimes, but for the most part, I just keep taking it. The bullies in my life know that I won’t fight back, so they continue to dig. I wonder if they really understand that they are hurtful, or if they truly don’t think before they speak. I can’t understand what pleasure one would take from being blatently nasty…it makes no sense to me, but then again, I’m not a mean girl.

But just like a dog who is abused over and over again, one day, I will bite back. One day, this doormat is gonna jump up and kick the mean girl in the ass.

I can tell you one thing…it won’t be pretty.


I still haven't kicked anyone's ass, I'm still a doormat (most of the time) and I'm still taken advantage of all the time, but I have made *some* progress. I stand up for what I believe in...firmly. I put my name behind my opinion and I'm not afraid of the consequences. But...I have a long way to go...

Sadly, I don't think bullying will ever go away. Our society gets more selfish and hateful every day. Hateful, selfish, BULLYING parents are raising hateful, selfish, BULLYING children and the cycle continues. Until parents start PARENTING their children and taking an interest in what their kids are doing at school and outside of school, nothing will change. Many parents these days have kids for their trophy shelf, not because they truly WANT children. They love to dress little Johnny up in his cute overalls and little Sally in her frilly pink dress, but once those little ones no longer want their parents to dress them, the parents buy them video games and toys so that they don't have to spend time with them. Gone are the days of sitting together as a family for dinner, family game nights, no TV nights, hanging out and laughing with your family.

We need to get back to the "Leave it to Beaver" days, the "Little House on the Prairie" days and the "Brady Bunch" days. The days when there was wholesome programming and time to spend with your family. When I recall the bullies of my childhood, most of them were from families where both parents had careers and left their kids alone most of the time. These parents didn't have a clue what their kids were doing, much less CARE.

Wake up parents. Watch for the signs of bullying:

The Bully

The Bullied

And DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT!

Being bullied affects people for a lifetime...the sooner you stop it, the better. Pin It

2 comments:

Lisa said...

Dan did write another great post!! Thank you for sharing yours also. I was bullied too but only verbally. But my son, who is generally very popular and well liked was bullied by the boy he called his best friend. Discovering that and that he didn't come to us about it was more painful than my own bullying!

Kate said...

Funny how we both blogged about this topic today.

Dawn, you aren't the helpless little girl you were back then. You have power now - stand up for yourself and watch the wounds fall away.

Love you.

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