Tuesday, 29 December 2009

Living with anxiety...

It was pretty much inevitable...

My Mum's Dad suffered from it, my Mum suffered from it and therefore, I suffer from it.

Anxiety. Panic. It's awful.

Stress affects people in different ways...for me, it manifests itself in health anxiety. The Christmas season always carries with it a large amount of stress...buying and wrapping gifts, preparation for visitors and decorating all on top of a very busy time at work makes it a very, very difficult time. Add to the mix that it seems to be the worst time of year for missing relatives who have passed away and you have a HUGE breeding ground for anxiety.

I have joked before about having survived every cancer known to man, as well as several brain aneurisms and numerous heart attacks...but it's really not funny.

Living this way sucks. Every time I get some kind of ailment, I convince myself that it will kill me. I focus on every little symptom, just KNOWING I am going to die. I lose sleep, I can't eat, I can't concentrate...it's horrendous. And don't even get me started on the kids. If they get sick, even a little cold, I am a complete wreck.

I have been to group therapy, individual therapy, I've tried medication...it all works just fine...for a while. But, the fear always comes back. Right now, it's consuming me.

I have had chest pains for two weeks. It started with a sore throat and what seemed to be a cold coming on. The cold never materialized, but the slight cough and chest pains didn't subside. I was convinced it was lung cancer (again...wink wink). I finally went to the doctor yesterday, shaking all the way, expecting to have a chest x-ray that would confirm my "diagnosis". Instead, Dr. G simply listened to symptoms, checked my chest, looked in my throat and ears and declared, "It's nothing serious. Probably a bit of bronchitis. Antibiotics won't help you at all. Take any cough medicine with 'DM' in the name and expect it to last up to a month...I have had many patients with the same thing."

Wow. I would live to see another day!

But seriously, living with anxiety is a struggle. Every.single.day. Oh how I would love to be one of those carefree, happy, confident people who dance through life without a care in the world. Nevermind...I'd love to just have a carefree week, let alone a carefree life.

If you live with anxiety, you are SO feeling my pain right now. You know exactly what I am talking about. On the other hand, if you've never had a panic attack or convinced yourself that you are dying, you are probably laughing at me and telling me to get a grip.

I wish I could...believe me.

A grip would be great right about now. Pin It

1 comment:

Karin said...

I think everyone feels like that occasionally. Maybe not quite to the "panic" level - but that anxiety is always there. The thing you have to remember is...it doesn't matter. Worrying about it doesn't prevent anything. Worrying about it doesn't stop bad things from happening. Worry and anxiety only hurt you. It's hard though - I know. And when bad things do happen, it's not like you say "well now that it's over I can stop worrying". No, you just start worrying about when or if it will happen again. Even if, like me, you do get cancer and then kick cancer's butt - don't think for one instant that with every twinge, spasm or pain you have your first thought isn't "It's BACK!" I swear it's my first thought every time. So I don't have an answer for you, but I won't tell you to "get a grip" either. You just can't let the anxiety immobilize you. Shove it down, move past it and try your best to be one of those carefree happy people you mentioned....you are full of life and have a wonderful life to live - so live it to the fullest!

Keep in mind Jesus' words in Matthew 6:27 - "Who by worrying can add a single hour to his life?"

Not even you can do that, so what's the point! LOL {{{Hugs}}}

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