Wednesday, 11 November 2009

Whine, bitch, moan....

Yeah, yeah, I know...I sound like a broken record, but it's my blog and I'll cry if I want to...and believe me, I have.

I am physically sick from worry. Middleman is still pretty sick. Although he is eating a little here and there, he still has a fever on and off and this afternoon, it hit 102.7 again after a couple of days of staying lower than 102. His cough sounds awful and he is SO SO SOOOOO lethargic. He sleeps most of the day away and a full twelve hours at night. He says his chest hurts. We have been using a number scale so that I can understand how he is feeling. 1 is normal...perfectly healthy and 10 is take me to the hospital. He hasn't said less than 4 in almost 5 days. (Telehealth advised that we should have him rechecked for pneumonia because he shouldn't have a fever after five days, so we are seeing Dr. Little again tomorrow morning at 8:10)...Sigh. He has been quarantined to his room since Saturday, emerging only to use his ensuite to pee or to come downstairs and sit alone in the kitchen to eat a few mouthfuls of food he really doesn't want. It breaks my heart.

All the while, I am waiting for the bomb to drop. Waiting for Boy Oneder, who is borderline asthmatic and already uses a puffer or Threepeat, who is Mr. Febrile Seizure last year, to start presenting symptoms. Checking foreheads with faked kisses so as not to worry them, watching for ANY sign of crankiness in Threepeat or a change in his diaper contents, constantly reminding Boy Oneder to use Purell. Sigh.

I haven't slept more than an hour or two each night since Saturday and even those few hours are fitful.

Some would say that I should get them vaccinated, and it has crossed my mind again that perhaps I should...but, now that the swine flu is in the house, I fear that vaccinating them would put them in MORE danger should they actually get the virus as well. The vaccine takes 10-14 days to take effect anyway, so I guess vaccination is a mute point now.

It's just this damned worry. I can't turn off the overdrive. I pray about it and try to trust that God will take care of us all, but the worry prevails. I haven't been like this since Middleman was a baby. Honestly, I have been so calm with illnesses, even with Threepeat's febrile seizure and dehydration last year...sure, I worried, but not to this extent. This is ridiculous.

I can't function like this for much longer...I really can't.

How do you other mothers deal with this? What are your tricks for staying sane during times that are really, REALLY scary for you? Pin It

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