Saturday, 26 September 2009

Third time's a charm?

27 hours ago, I changed my life for the better...for the third time. This time, will be the last time I ever put myself through this.

I am extremely proud of this "lifestyle change". I have only my eldest son to thank for this change...for without his wisdom, emotion and deep love for me, I would still be a fool.

So far, apparently, my blood pressure has decreased, my pulse rate has dropped, the body temperature of my hands and feet has increased, the carbon monoxide level in my blood has dropped to normal, the oxygen level in my blood has increased to normal and my chance of a heart attack has decreased.

My good-bye letter:

My dear friend...

I've hidden from my friends and family when I was sneaking around with you. I can't take you anywhere in public without you embarrassing me. I can't count the number of times I have told my children to wait or go away so I could go see you. You are not more important than my children. I am so angry at myself for putting your first.

You had such a hold on me. Even when I was sick, you called me, and I came without question. Your pull was stronger than my will...but not any longer. I will now hug my children uninhibited by your lingering effects. I will not plan my day around YOUR schedule. I will not put you above my life and my family. I will live longer because I am saying good-bye to you.

I counted on you in good times and in bad. I needed you and you were always there. But your sick and twisted temptation will lure me no longer. I am moving on. I am putting my children and myself first. You no longer have control over me. I AM IN CONTROL. Sadly, I know you'll find others to take my place; younger, more naive women to seduce. I may be tempted from time to time, but you will not win this time. Your scars may remain with me forever, but although they are permanent, they will fade...and so will your appeal.

I am hurting and it is hard...harder than anything I have ever forsaken. I will miss you dearly...but that pain will eventually go away and my life will be better for it. Never again will you lure me in...not one touch will I ever afford you again. I am done. I am free. Free at last, free at last, thank God Almighty, I'm free at last.

Good-bye.
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2 comments:

Rocca said...

fExcellent.......very well written!!! Loved it.....

Limey Girl said...

I am applauding and doing a happy dance with / for you xo
Stay STRONG!

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