Monday, 20 July 2009

Migraines suck...

BIG time.

I took the kids to Toys R Us this morning, intending on taking an early lunch in order to give them the opportunity to spend the gift cards that were burning a hole in their pockets. We left at 11:00.

When Middleman was chatting with me in the car, I noticed that when I looked at him, I could only really see one side of his face. It felt really weird. I pulled over and covered one eye and then the other and it was the same from both and/or either eye. I can't really describe the sensation because it was so weird, but suffice it to say, it was scary and awful.

It got a wee bit better, so I kept driving. By the time we got to TRU about ten minutes later, it was realy quite bad. We walked into the store and the bright lights seemed to make it so much worse (if that's even possible). I told the boys to hurry and get their toys (they already knew they wanted Nerf guns) and had a full blown panic attack while I waited for them to choose. I was a mess. In fact, I almost called Hubster to come and get us. We paid for our goods and I noticed that it was getting better. When we got into the van, I waited for five minutes and it was all but gone. I had had these sparkly flashy things in my eyes that made it virtually impossible to see straight. Driving was NOT going to happen while I was as bad as I was in TRU.

I decided that I was OK to drive and we headed for home. About five minutes into the ten minute drive, I felt the twinges of a headache. I knew at that moment that I was about to suffer an excruitating migraine. It all made sense now. I grabbed two Advil gel caps that thank GOD, Hubster had in his car and swallowed them down with Middleman's Coke slushy that we picked up from Mac's on the way to TRU. By the time we got home, my head was pounding.

I gave the kids to MIL and headed straight upstairs. I laid down on the bed and prayed HARD that it would pass quickly. I IM'd my manager to let her know I was lying down and didn't see the light of day again until 3:00. The headache was gone, but it left the aftermath of what felt like a punch to the side of the head...I still hurt now and it's 9:30 pm. I feel weak, nauseated and just plain crappy.

I used to get migraines on a regular basis when I was a teenager, but I forgot just how horrible they are. I get really bad headaches sometimes, but NOTHING like the migraines I used to was a crude, rude, HORRIBLE reminder of those dark, dark days. If losing your sight is not enough, the pain is absolutely unbearable. If my past is any indication, I won't feel well for a few days yet. Thank God it's a slow week at work.

Part of the problem may be that I am in SSRI withdrawal right now. I have been on Celexa, an anti-depressant, since Joanne died. It has helped to get me over the bad days of losing your sister, and it has served me well. But now, it's time for me to start feeling real emotion again...time to wean myself off of Celexa.

Anyone who has ever been on an SSRI knows that you must wean yourself slowly. The withdrawl side effects are HORRIBLE and therefore, you wean over the course of a couple of months. My highest dose was 1.5 pills per day, so my weaning went from 1.5 to 1 pill per day for two weeks, 1 pill to half a pill for two weeks and then half a pill every other day for two weeks. It's been about 5 days since I took my last half pill and I am suffering. I feel lightheaded and dizzy, irritable and anxious, nauseous and angry. But this is to be expected. The last drop from 0.5 to nothing is apparently the hardest. I know I will be OK and that this horribleness is just temporary, but man oh MAN does it suck.

The one good thing about SSRI withdrawal is vivid dreams. Don't even ASK me what Edward Cullen, Jacob Black and Bill Compton and I have been doing in my dreams for the last three nights! Let's just say that if my dreams were a reality, "Twilight" and "Dead Until Dark" would be X-rated. LOL. Pin It

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