Tuesday, 6 November 2007

I am officially an embarrassment

I knew the day would come…I just wish it wasn’t so soon.

I went to the boys’ school today to help with the Halloween Dance-a-Thon raffles. Being Chair of the Council, I was there to represent the other Council members.

Middleman's class was in the first assembly and when he saw me, he was thrilled….waving madly and wearing a smile from ear to ear, he was proud of his Mom. He kept pointing me out to his classmates…they looked up and smiled…almost jealous that THEIR Mom wasn’t there. I remember feeling that way when my Mom was working and the other stay-at-home-moms were at the school helping out.

Boy Oneder's class was in the third assembly. I didn’t see him come into the gym, so I scanned all the kids, trying to locate him so I could give him a subtle wave…knowing full well that in grade 6, your Mom isn’t as cool as she was when you were in grade 3.

I spotted him and waited for eye contact, when I very discreetly lifted my hand to my chest and gave an ever-so-slight movement resembling a wave. I know he saw me. He darted his eyes away and averted all other opportunities for eye contact. His friends were all waving and saying hi, but Boy Oneder completely dissed me.

My heart physically hurt. I didn’t think it would, because I knew the day would come, but it hurts when your kid won’t even acknowledge you. If I was dressed like a nerd or if I yelled or did something embarrassing, I can understand it, but I just waved! If you would even CALL it a wave. I guess in my heart of hearts, I do “get it”. He’s 11. He’s just now starting to see girls as girls and not boys with long hair and pink clothing. So, it only makes sense that at this time in his life, his mother is not the source of pride that she once was. The only problem is that he is still my pride and joy and always will be, so I have to get my brain, to advise my heart, that this is normal behaviour. Obviously, my heart didn’t get the memo.

Gone are the days of public kisses and hugs. Gone are the days of missing me when I am not around. Gone are the days of having a “little boy”. He’s now a preteen. God…a PRETEEN. When the hell did THAT happen?

So, I am now an embarrassment to my son. Another threshold I hoped I’d never cross.

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