Thursday, 18 October 2007

A good heart is better than all the heads in the world

So says Robert Bulwer-Lytton…whoever he was.

I have a good heart…so many people have told me this that I guess I just believe it. I try to be a good person, I try to help whenever and wherever I can and I try to live by the “Treat others as you would like to be treated” motto.

Unfortunately, there are people in this world (and alot of them from what I can see) that take advantage of my heart. Most of the time, it takes someone to TELL me that people are treating me like shit for me to actually see it. But lately, I am seeing it on my own. The ghosts of my childhood are rearing their ugly heads. By “ghosts”, I don’t mean the people…thank God they are out of my life for good, but the memories remain. Being bullied affected me deeply and, lately, I see that I am still affected. People come into my life and I trust them. I always give the benefit of the doubt. Most times, I get screwed. Used and abused. Once I am no longer “required”, these people move on to bigger and better things and leave me behind…

I have done some SERIOUS soul searching over the past few days. I have hit emotional rock bottom and in doing so, have stepped back and looked at all of the people in my life, both family and friends. I have taken inventory of those who make my life better and those who are just toxic people. I have now chosen to rid myself of toxic people…family, I can’t truly rid myself of (legally that is…LOL!) and so I have decided to no longer let them bully or hurt me. I will no longer let their thoughtless words and actions hurt me. I will no longer feed their ego by being hurt. I will no longer fan their flames by reacting. I will simply ignore behaviour that I feel is negative.

As for those outside of my family, I guess that’s a little easier. I will simply no longer associate myself with people who make me feel bad. I would tell my children to stay away from kids who hurt them, so why should adults be any different?

I will also learn to choose my friends more wisely. I need to be a little less trusting and naive and a little less good-hearted.

So, if you are one of my friends or family members and you see me making a bad choice…give me a heads’ up will ya? I seem to need some help in that department. Pin It

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