Sunday, 30 September 2007

Torn

Should I or shouldn’t I?

As previously mentioned, I was voted in to Council at the boys’ school last Thursday. I’m very excited about working to make our school a better place and to regain the reputation that fellow parents and I worked so hard to achieve when the school opened in 2002. At this point, our school is the laughing stock in the region. Rumors are flying about the principal that left at the last minute last year; about the Superintendant of Schools that also left abruptly at the end of last year; about who is sleeping with who and so on. It is ridiculous. I feel like I am in high school again.

Last year’s Council was, from what I understand, a complete mess. The Chair of Council is the wife of our School Board Trustee…and you all know how I feel about HIM! UGH! In my opinion, this is a complete conflict of interest! I am on a mission to see whether it is in fact recognized as a conflict by the Board, but, in the meantime, I am seriously considering running for Chair. It’s a big job, but I know I can do it. I want to ensure that the same woman from last year does not get the position. So, I am torn. I need to decide whether to run by this Thursday. I think I would be a shoo-in because I have the support of at LEAST six or seven members, but do I really want the aggravation of it all?

Time will tell. Stay tuned. Pin It

Thursday, 27 September 2007

I'm IN!!

There is no feeling like the feeling of being accepted! I ran for Boy Oneder and Middleman's School Council and tonight was the vote. I GOT IN! There were 20 positions and 23 candidates. Apparently, there was a tie for the 20th spot, so they made 21 spots and I was one of those 21!

It feels so good to know that there are people out there who believe in me. People who chose me to represent them and their children! Coming from the girl who was almost always chosen last on the sports teams, I feel all warm and fuzzy tonight!

I have served on this Council before (for three years) and I ended up stepping down, in part due to my Dad’s death, but also because of the petty, juvenille gossipy princesses that were on Council at the time. Tonight brought in new faces, fresh perspectives and renewed excitement about things to come. I am pumped, to say the least.

I plan to run for Council Chair. This is a HUGE committment, but one I am confident that I can live up to. Every ounce of my being says I should do this and so, I will. We will decide the executive council next Thursday. I need to knock their socks off in order to be voted in!

GO DAWN! Pin It

Tuesday, 25 September 2007

Great friends and...excess baggage

I spent yet another wonderful day with Julie and Katelyn…we shopped and had lunch. It is just so comfortable with them. Threepeat played footsies with Katelyn in her bed…like THAT is gonna happen in 10 years! I am so blessed to have such good friends in my life. I know I have said it over and over, but seriously…what I lack in family, I make up for with friends.

I also watched my boys at karate tonight. I am very, very proud of how far they have come. Boy Oneder is a blue belt…just brown and then he is a black belt! Middleman is a red belt and is almost ready to test for his green belt!

To end an almost perfect day, I cleaned out some stuff in the basement. I have SO much crap down there, it’s not even funny. Hubster took a huge load over to the Good Will box at the local plaza and I am feeling SO much lighter for it! I even got rid of some old suitcases, so I guess that means I got rid of some excess baggage! LOL!! Pin It

Sunday, 23 September 2007

Another milestone bites the dust...

And so, with this weekend, a new milestone.

Boy Oneder and Middleman are both members of hockey teams. We had a whirlwind of a weekend, running from arena to birthday party to arena to birthday party, but it was such fun.

The first one to play was Boy Oneder…4:00 on Saturday. It was just a practice, but it was with his team. He loved it and is of average ability.

Boy Oneder played again this morning at 11:00. Again, he loved it and held his own. He isn’t very aggressive, and he’s more of a defense kinda guy, but he can’t wait to play again next week.

Middleman played today at 12:30. He couldn’t get enough. He was in there like a dirty shirt, going after the puck as fast as his little legs would carry him. He has some serious natural talent and I can’t wait to see how this year goes for him. He volunteered to be the goalie, and will rotate with another boy each week. LOL…Hubster has the “deer in a headlight” look, realizing how expensive having a goalie in the family will be!

I am SO excited about spending our winter at the hockey arenas! That’s how Joanne and I spent our winters…running from ringette game to ringette game, loving every second of being part of a team. I love hockey in general, but to watch my kids play will be SO SO cool! Pin It

Saturday, 22 September 2007

Thank you

This is a message to a specific person…she knows who she is.

Thank you. I am flattered that you read me. I secretly read you all the time and that’s how I know you read me. I don’t think it’s coincidence that every time I blog about something, you have a similar post on your blog within a few days.

So, a wholehearted thank you. I’d love it if you would link to me…you seem to have alot of readers these days. Kudos to you. I’ll be watching for a link in your blogroll…that would rock. Pin It

The good old hockey game!

it’s the best game you can name!

And I am now an official “Hockey Mom”!! Boy Oneder and Middleman start hockey this weekend! I’m SO excited, but if this weekend is any indication, it’s going to be our lives for the next 6 months! Boy Oneder has a practice at 4:00 today and then Middleman has a practice at 11:00 tomorrow. Boy Oneder has a game at 12:30 tomorrow as well. Crazy!

So, I have to get myself a seat warmer and a big blanket…a LARGE Timmy’s coffee and I am good to go!

Next stop….NHL! LMAO! Pin It

Friday, 21 September 2007

Dawn 2, Mastitis 0

I thought it had beaten me this time.

I thought that my breastfeeding days were over. I truly did.

But, I am pleased to announce that Threepeat and I are still holding strong. My supply has rebounded and things are going really well!

Thank you to everyone who offered support over the past week. Your kindness was appreciated more than you will ever know. Pin It

Tuesday, 18 September 2007

Mastitis

Mastitis is a bitch. An evil, horrid, sadistic bitch.

I am at the end of day three of a war with mastitis. It’s not my first battle with it either.

The first battle, in 1999, I won. It crept up on me with little warning one afternoon. I had a red lump and a really, really sore breast. I had no idea what it was, but it really hurt, so I went to the doctor. Of course, my doctor was fully booked that day, so I saw Dr. Little instead. She is lovely and she reminds me so much of Jamie Lee Curtis…anyway, she told me it was a plugged duct and that it can change to mastitis very quickly, which then could cause my breast to abscess, so she gave me a prescription for antibiotics, circled the lump in black marker and told me to come back the next day. She warned me that if I suddenly felt like I had been hit by a mack truck, to have Hubster fill the prescription, STAT and go straight to bed. We made our appointment for a recheck the next day and went off on our merry way.

Well….

At precisely 8:00 that evening, that mack truck hit me HARD! I suddenly felt like I was going to pass out, I was shivering and my whole body ached. Honestly, THAT quickly. I was fine two minutes earlier. So, I checked my temperature and sure enough, I had a fever. I told Hubster, who was resting comfortably on the couch that the mack truck had arrived and that he had to go and fill my prescription. He bitched and moaned and crawled off the couch to go and get my meds, while I moaned and suffered on his couch. Two days, high fevers, lots of advil, tylenol and antibiotics, nurse-pump-nurse sessions and SO much pain later, I was feeling semi-normal again, but my milk supply had dropped drastically. Middleman wasn’t nursing as well as normal because apparently,the taste of the milk is different…more salty…during mastitis. So I started pumping and nursing more, I took fenugreek till I smelled like a pancake house and my supply slowly increased. I ended up nursing Middleman for 18 months and loved every other moment of it. I won that battle!

This time, it looks like I will be the one to wave the white flag. Mastitis gave me a fever of 104 and hit me harder this time, which I never thought was possible. I truly thought I was going to die. Every inch of my body ached and the chills were nearly unbearable. My supply is drastically lower, despite pumping/nursing every two hours. My letdown reflex is much milder and Threepeat is refusing both breasts. When he does latch on, he growls in anger as the milk just doesn’t flow fast enough. The last 24 hours has been agonizing both physically and emotionally, as I think I have decided to stop breastfeeding. My heart is broken, but we are 8 years later and I am 8 years older and I just don’t think I have it in me to work and work and work at getting my supply back when he would just prefer the bottle anyway. Threepeat has never really enjoyed breastfeeding the way Middleman did and when he sees a bottle coming, he squeals with excitement. When my boob comes at him, if he doesn’t turn away, he just opens his mouth. No excitement, no joy. When he has a bottle, he gazes up at me lovingly. When he breastfeeds, he just sucks. So, he won’t miss breastfeeding…I will.

He is my last baby. I wanted everything to last forever this time. He is already five months old and growing so very quickly. The end of breastfeeding is just another nail in the coffin of being a mother to an infant and my heart hurts.

I will continue to nurse him through the night, because when he nurses in his sleep, it is wonderful, but I think the day time feeds will come to a gradual end.

I am so, so sad about it.

So, mastitis won this time. BITCH! ( Pin It

Monday, 17 September 2007

Interesting...

It’s funny…I check out postsecret every Sunday and almost every weekend, I find one postcard that I can truly relate to.

This week’s REALLY struck me though:



Lately, and I think it is since Joanne died, I spend SO much time looking for negativity. If anyone does anything nice for me, I assume they have an alterior motive. If anyone makes a mistake, I think they are stupid. I have such a hate for people lately and I truly don’t like who I have become.

I try to focus on the positive, but I always end up bitter and angry…and I want that to change. If I could be happy more than I am miserable, life would be a much better thing for me.

It’s sad really, because I have always been such a “glass is half full” kind of person, but lately, the glass isn’t half empty, it’s completely empty and, hell, it’s broken in a million pieces.

I wish I knew how to be happy again. I have everything to be happy about, but still, I am miserable. I wish there was a light at the end of the tunnel of darkness that is in my head. It’s hard to be positive when you feel so angry and hateful all the time. I don’t even know where the anger comes from, but it is nasty. It’s awful to hate people all the time.

I don’t mean to hate…honestly. I just do. Pin It

Saturday, 15 September 2007

Ugh...

I can’t remember the last time I was really sick. I’ve had a cold or two in the last couple of years, but I don’t remember feeling as sick as I have over the last couple of days.

I have a stomach bug. Either that or I have food poisoning. My stomach has been gurgling for two full days and nothing is staying in there. I am so tired and achy and I just want to crawl under a rock.

As you can imagine, breastfeeding is TONS o’ fun right now. I am dehydrated and I STILL have to give my baby 8 ounces every two hours. Oh yes…you read that right…every TWO hours. Why am I feeding a 5 month old baby every two hours, you ask? Oh that’s because just as this ailment struck me, Threepeat decided to begin a growth spurt. He has been up twice each night to feed and then attaches himself to me almost all day. Oh yes my friends…it has been GOOOOOOD times.

I am feeling a tad better this evening and I have been able to stay out of the washroom for about an hour, so I AM making progress.

Sigh…I’m not a happy person when I am sick…can you tell? Pin It

Friday, 14 September 2007

People change...or DO they?

I know so many people who have faced tragedy, loss, illness, death, etc. I am one of them. And so many of these people, when faced with whatever stress I mentioned above, SWEAR they will change. “I will be a better person.” “I will be kinder.”

I remember making a deal with God when my Dad was sick. I promised that if Dad would live, I would be the best Christian ever. I promised God every night that I would be a changed woman…well, Dad died and I am still the same old Dawn. I try to be a good person, but Dad’s illness and death didn’t really change anything.

There are at least four people in my life right now who are going through turbulence in their lives. I have heard each of them say that their situation has changed them…that they will be better people, kinder people, they won’t do all of the things they used to do.

But they haven’t changed. They are still the people who they always were…just people under stress and trial. Oh sure, they had good intentions when they swore to change, but they won’t change.

So I guess the point of this post is that people will never change. If you are born an idiot, you will die an idiot, no matter how much you want to stop being an idiot. LOL! Pin It

Monday, 10 September 2007

Innocence

A Postsecret secret caught my eye today.



Not only does the little girl look STRIKINGLY like Joanne did at her age, but the words hit me so hard.

I believed in Santa till I was 11. Yeah, I was a loser. But my parents did such a phenomenal job at being Santa, that I just believed blindly. I was devastated when I found out that all of the stuff my friends told me was true…my parents were Santa and the Easter Bunny and the Tooth Fairy. Damn. That day sucked.

I snuck out of bed on Christmas Eve and watched from the little crack in my door as my parents took all of our gifts from their bedroom down to the family room. My heart was sinking, but at the same time, I was SO excited to see what was inside all of those lovely wrapped packages!

My parents made Christmas special EVERY year of my childhood and for that I am eternally grateful. I only hope I can do the same for my kids. Boy Oneder is now 11. I like to think that he still believes, but that would be ridiculous. Wouldn’t it? Pin It

Thursday, 6 September 2007

A common criminal

Yeah, that’s me.

Today, I broke a law…I idled my car for ten minutes. Yep…I’m guilty.

It was like 9000 degrees today and I drove down to my friend, Julie’s house for a swim. On the way home, Threepeat slept and when I got home, since he had only fallen asleep twenty minutes earlier, I left the car running while he napped a little longer in the driveway.

So today, I contributed to global warming. I robbed my children’s children’s children’s grandchildren of ten minutes of life. Sorry.

Oh please…cry me a river people. Name me ONE mother who hasn’t left the car idling in either the summer with the AC on or in the winter with the heat on, just so their child will sleep a wee bit longer! I, for one, can attest to sitting in my car, albeit with the engine turned off, in the fall, sipping on a fresh Timmy’s coffee, while Boy Oneder and Middleman snoozed away, oblivious in the backseat. Moms will do almost ANYTHING for a few more minutes of peace…trust me.

The transfer from a car seat to a bed is one of the most difficult manouevers a parent can master. Even the best of the best transferor messes it up once in a while.

It goes like this:

You look at your peacefully sleeping angel, you watch the breathing…slow, rhythmic. There is no twitching movement, no REM, just pure stillness…you are GOLDEN! You ever so slowly click the release button on the car seat base…the silence impresses you. You gently lift the carseat from its base, being extremely careful not to bump the baby or make any sudden movements. So far, so good. You leave your purse, your cellphone, your coffee…EVERYTHING in the car. You creep like a mouse to the front door, sneaking glances down at the baby…all is good. You slink up the stairs like a thief in the night, praying all the while that the phone doesn’t ring and the floor doesn’t creak. You make it up to the bedroom and silently place the car seat with the still out COLD baby in it on the bed. Your shoes are still on and the front door WIDE open, but you don’t care…you are almost there.

The snaps on the car seat are pulled so gently that they don’t make a sound. Baby is still sleeping. You subtly move the shoulder straps from the baby’s body and with a gentle stir and a sigh, the baby changes position and you FREEZE. You don’t breathe for about 45 seconds and once you realize the baby is still in deep unconsciousness, you continue with your mission. All that is left is the lift and bed placement. You are feeling good. You carefully lift your darling into your arms and in a swift, but gentle movement, you place the baby into the crib/onto the bed. He stirs, but then rests peacefully. The mission has been accomplished. You close the door without so much as a creak and you quietly tiptoe downstairs to close the front door.

That was a stressful five minutes, so you plop yourself on the couch for a well deserved rest. Your bum hits the couch and you take a deep sigh…

WAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! Baby is screaming. You RUSH up those stairs to replace the pacifier that has inevitably left the mouth of your baby, but it is too late. The baby is wide awake, sees you, coos and smiles and holds his arms out to be picked up. It’s over.

And THAT my friends, is why I broke the law today. I don’t think ANY police officer who knows any mothers would DREAM of telling her to turn off the engine. He may lose an eye…or worse. Pin It

Wednesday, 5 September 2007

15 years ago

It was 15 years ago today that Joanne and Mark got married.

It was a beautiful, sunny September day and everything about their day was perfect. Joanne was like a little china doll, looking every bit as lovely as she always did. She was so young…only 20 years old, but she knew Mark was her man.

He wrote a song for her, which he sang at the church. He had everyone in tears, including Joanne.

Today would have been their 15th anniversary. She would have been 35.

I miss you Joanne…I’m sure Mark is missing you a little more than usual today. Pin It

Sunday, 2 September 2007

Memories

was thinking about my grandmother the other day (Dad’s Mom). She just turned 88 years old. She lives alone since Grampy died in May, 2004. She is slowly going blind, but she is FIERCELY independent. She refuses to leave the house she has lived in for over 50 years.

Unfortunately, she lives across the ocean in England, so I rarely see her. But when I do, she STILL holds me against her chest, hugs me tight and sings to me. Specifically, she sings one of two songs:

LITTLE MAN, YOU’VE HAD A BUSY DAY
(Mabel Wayne / Al Hoffman / Maurice Sigler)

Emil Coleman – 1934
Isham Jones – 1934
Paul Robeson – 1934
Ray Noble Orch. (vocal: Al Bowlly) – 1934
Perry Como – 1958
Sarah Vaughan & Count Basie – 1961
Dakota Staton – 1972
Monica Borrfors- 1994
Also recorded by: Connee Boswell; Bing Crosby; Art Tatum.

Evenin’ breezes sighin’, moon is in the sky
Little man, it’s time for bed
Daddy’s little hero is tired and wants to cry
Now, come along and rest your weary head

Little man, you’re cryin’, I know why you’re blue
Someone took your kiddy-car away
You better go to sleep now
Little man, you’ve had a busy day

Johnny won your marbles, tell you what we’ll do
Dad’ll get you new ones right away
Better go to sleep now
Little man, you’ve had a busy day

You’ve been playin’ soldier, the battle has been won
The enemy is out of sight
Come along there soldier, put away your gun
The war is over for tonight

Time to stop your schemin’, time your day was through
Can’t you hear the bugle softly say
Time you should be dreamin’
Little man, you’ve had a busy day

or

I’m dreaming dreams,
I’m scheming schemes, I’m building castles high.
They’re born anew, their days are few,
Just like a sweet butterfly.
And as the daylight is dawning,
They come again in the morning!

I’m forever blowing bubbles,
Pretty bubbles in the air,
They fly so high,
Nearly reach the sky,
Then like my dreams
They fade and die.
Fortune’s always hiding,
I’ve looked everywhere,
I’m forever blowing bubbles,
Pretty bubbles in the air.
When shadows creep,
When I’m asleep,
To lands of hope I stray!

Then at daybreak,
When I awake,
My bluebird flutters away..
“Happiness, you seem so near me,
Happiness, come forth and cheer me!”

I’m forever blowing bubbles,
Pretty bubbles in the air,
They fly so high,
Nearly reach the sky,
Then like my dreams
They fade and die.
Fortune’s always hiding,
I’ve looked everywhere,
I’m forever blowing bubbles,
Pretty bubbles in the air.

These are songs she used to sing to my Dad when he was little and I am glad I was able to find the lyrics online. Now, to find a site with the actual SONG on it!

I miss my grandparents. It breaks my heart to think that I am lucky enough, at the age of 38 to still have three grandparents alive, but not be able to see them because they live so far away. So, I’ll have to be satisfied with the songs and the memories, I guess. Pin It
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