Saturday, 11 August 2007

Mean girls

All my life, I have dealt with mean girls, and it hasn’t ended yet.

It began when I was about 10 years old. Angie, this wicked, evil child who I am sure is in a mental institution these days, threatened me, chased me home and when she finally caught me, kicked the CRAP outta me. There were others too, who just took pleasure in my pain and my fear.

After living the terror of bullying, I swore that my children would never, ever be afraid to go to school or to play outside…EVER. So far, so good. Both of my older boys are popular and have alot of friends. The school is very good with the anti-bullying campaigns as well.

We have the boys in karate. Boy Oneder is a blue belt and Middleman is a red belt. At least I know that if anyone ever messes with them, they will be able to defend themselves, unlike me.

When I was bullied, my parents didn’t interfere for fear of making the situation worse. If my parents were seen as “fighting my battles”, it would only serve to fuel the bullies’ terrorfest. I would have been seen as a complete weakling. Bless their hearts, my parents thought they were doing the right thing, but in hindsight, they were dead wrong. Angie should have been stopped. I wasn’t the only one who was terrorized…there were many others. Seriously, this girl was messed up. She was sexually abusive as well as mentally and physically abusive. She needed help. I pray that she has changed today because I understand that she has children. I don’t know how someone so twisted can change, but I pray she has.

I think that my run-ins with Angie have made me the fearful adult I am today. I let certain people walk all over me. I let them get away with saying and doing nasty things. They hurt me emotionally. Obviously, the physical aspect of bullying is gone because I could sue their asses off if they touched me now, but, the old saying, “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me”, is SO untrue. It was untrue THEN and it remains untrue now. Bruises heal. The hurt inside someone remains…and it continues to hurt.

I think I have made some progress because I do speak up for myself sometimes, but for the most part, I just keep taking it. The bullies in my life know that I won’t fight back, so they continue to dig. I wonder if they really understand that they are hurtful, or if they truly don’t think before they speak. I can’t understand what pleasure one would take from being blatently nasty…it makes no sense to me, but then again, I’m not a mean girl.

But just like a dog who is abused over and over again, one day, I will bite back. One day, this doormat is gonna jump up and kick the mean girl in the ass.

I can tell you one thing…it won’t be pretty Pin It

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