Thursday, 26 July 2007

The "L" Word

Yeah whatever…not THAT L word.

I’m talking about life. Since Threepeat arrived, I have really faced the reality of mortality. I remember going through the same thing with Boy Oneder AND with Middleman.

Suddenly, I realize how important I am to a human being. My milk sustains him. If anything happened to me, he would have to start on formula. That’s not SUCH a bad thing, but it runs through my mind.

I think about my nieces and how they had to go on without their mom. I wonder if my boys would fare as well. I think we all like to think of ourselves as irreplacable, and that if anything ever happened to us, everyone else would be in a chaotic mess. They could not function without our presence. But they do. We may not be replaceable, but our void can be filled. That makes me sad. I don’t want my kids to be devastated when I die, don’t get me wrong. I know I will be missed, but in time, my presence won’t be missed as much. It won’t be as hard every day for my family and friends to face life. Each day, people will think of me less and less, until I am only discussed on specific occasions, like my birthday or the date of my death. This is life. The never ending circle of life.

Having a baby somehow puts these thoughts into my head. I am mortal again. A tiny little human being needs me to feed and nurture him. Who will do it if I die? There are so many people who could raise him, but none of them would be me. None of them could POSSIBLY do as good a job as I would, right?

Gosh…I hope I don’t die yet……. Pin It

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