My boy...my precious boy...

My precious first boy.

This is a copy of the letter that Frankie, my oldest, age 10, sent to Santa via email last night:

Dear Santa:

How are you doing?

I am fine. My mom is having a baby in April !

OK, for Christmas I want 3 things please. First, I want hockey gear. I want it because I do not want my parents to have to buy all that hockey gear. Sorry You have to make all that hockey gear. Second, I want N-STRIKE LONGSHOT C8-6. This is a nerf strike gun that shoots little sticky sticks that are yellow. Third, I want something for the baby please. That thing is a aquarium bath center because i want the baby and my parents to have a good time taking a bath and giving a bath these are the three things i want for christmas a thanks in advance

your pal,

frankie

How special is he that he took one of the three things he is allowed to ask Santa for and gave it up for his baby brother? He is SUCH a special boy. No prompting, no hints for him to do this…he just did it.

How often the things he does just takes my breath away. I love you Frankie.

Ten months...

I’ve been an only child for 10 months today.

Ten months without my sister.

Ten months….



I dreamt about her last night. She was playing with Courtney in my bedroom, right beside my bed as I lay in my bed, watching. In my dream, I was crying because I knew she was dead, and seeing her with Courtney, so happy, made me cry. She looked over at me with such compassion in her eyes, like she felt bad that I was sad.

I read somewhere that when you dream of someone you have lost that you have come to terms with their death. Sure doesn’t feel like I’ve come to terms with it. The tears on my computer here say otherwise.

I wish I could chat with her for just a minute. Wish I could tell her all about the pregnancy. Well, I do tell her, but I wish she could respond…

My heart hurts today…it hurts real bad.

He has a name!!

Our third son’s name will be:



Julian: Latin…derived from “Julius”, a Roman family name

Benjamin: Hebrew…Son of my right hand; youngest son

I guess I really AM growing!

It's a BOY!

Well…

God has blessed me with another boy. After my post of yesterday, you’d think I would be devastated. But guess what! I am NOT!!! In fact, I am totally, 100% OK with it!!

We spent 45 minutes just cooing over our little guy! He was VERY shy and kept his legs crossed the WHOLE time and the umbilical cord was between his legs, so it took a long time to get to the point where the technician could confirm that it was in fact our third SON.

The 3D ultrasound is really amazing and we got some fantastic shots:

Here, he is giving us a HUGE grin:



Here he is sucking his thumb:



And here, he is showing us his goods…not without a heck of alot of poking and proding! LOL:



After seeing that all his parts were where they were supposed to be (according to our laypersons’ eyes), the gender really just didn’t matter anymore.

Now, the fight over names begins. We are really far apart on names….sigh.

Straight up...

I’m not going to lie to you. I want a girl. I want a girl BADLY.

Tomorrow, I will find out if we are going to ever be blessed with a princess or not. At 11:00 EST, I have a 3D ultrasound scheduled, wherein I will pay $125.00 for someone to do a five minute ultrasound and say the words, “It’s a insert gender here!”

It’s no secret that I have wanted a girl since I knew the difference between boys and girls, probably when I was 3 years old. I just feel that I am MEANT to have a daughter. When strangers ask, “So you want a girl this time?”, assuming this because I already have two boys, my answer is a resounding, “YES! OF COURSE!!!”

When expecting their first child, most pregnant moms state, “I just want a healthy baby.” When having their second child, most pregnant moms are a little more honest: “I really want a girl/boy, but health is most important.” By the time you have your third child, if the first two are of the same sex, you tend to be even MORE honest, “Yes. I definitely want a boy/girl this time. With every ounce of my being, I want a boy/girl.” Some will end with “But of course, health is most important.” See, this is where I get confused.

Do women say the “health disclaimer” because of embarrassment? OF COURSE we all want healthy babies. It’s ridiculous. You’re not going to hear a mom of even 10 boys, who is pregnant with her 11th child say, “I want a girl desperately. I don’t care if she is sick, deformed and handicapped, I just want a girl. Keep your healthy boy, I want a girl, healthy or not!” No one wants that. So why do we feel the need to use the health disclaimer???

So today, the day before my 3D ultrasound, I am going to be straight up…I want a girl. I want a girl badly. I want a HEALTHY girl. Damn…I did it. I used the disclaimer.

Think Pink for me will ya? I could use all the help I can get.

Christmas is coming!!

It’s bittersweet this year. It’s the first year without Joanne. That will be awful.

BUT…

Christmas is my favourite time of year. It’s a time for family and friends, good food, lots of fun and this year, a time of reflection and this year, a time for NEW traditions.

I love the childrens’ faces on Christmas morning. I love the full bellies on Christmas night.

I just love Christmas.

Five kilometres

I have aching feet and legs. I am exhausted. Joe decided that this afternoon would be a good opportunity for the family to take Rosie, our 5.5 year old bichon frise, for a walk at the local conservation area.

“Sure!” I thought…that will be fun!

NOT.

I didn’t realize that we would be walking the Humber Trail…up and down leafy, foresty hills. Did he FORGET that I am almost 5 months pregnant? LOL! I did remind him of this fact several times during our family walk.

It ended up being about 5 kilometres all together, and to be completely honest, I really did enjoy the time in the fresh, crisp fall air, with just Joe, the boys and Rosie, but I am paying the price now!

I remember

I wore my poppy proudly today. I saw VERY few people wearing them. Did you?

Pregnancy Update

I haven’t mentioned my pregnancy alot on my blog because I keep a Pregnancy Journal instead. Today, I am 17 weeks pregnant and thought I would update here.

I have suffered with morning/noon/night sickness for all but 10 days of this pregnancy so far. I had a week and a half reprieve at around 14 weeks and thought that the 24/7 days of nausea were behind me, but NOPE. I am still suffering. Granted, it’s not as bas as it was, but it is definitely still very noticeable!

I have suffered from the beginning with excess saliva. Can you imagine a faucet dripping in your mouth, non-stop? Yeah…that’s how it is. BLECH!

I think I am starting to show…and then the next day, I think I’m not. I think that I feel the baby move and then I don’t feel it again for a few days.

I am not enjoying this pregnancy at ALL and it makes me really sad. This will definitely be my last pregnancy and I just wanted to enjoy it. I just want to get that pregnant glow and have people rub my OBVIOUSLY pregnant belly.

I have my 3D ultrasound booked for next Saturday (the 18th). We will find out if the baby is going to be called Emily Joanne or Julian ____ (undecided on middle name). Maybe after seeing the baby in 3D and knowing the sex, things will at least SEEM better than they do right now.

Thankful Thursday

So my last few posts have been negative nellies. Today’s will be a positive penny!

Things I am thankful for today, not necessarily in this order:

My husband.
My boys.
My unborn baby.
My health.
My home.
My Kate.
My Mom.
My doggy.
My job.
My new office.
My friends.
My extended family.
My life.
My newfound faith.