Back to work tomorrow

Bittersweet.

I miss my team so much. They give me such strength with their kindness.

BUT…

I loved staying home. I loved being there to pick the boys up from school every day. I loved having nothing much to do most of the time. I loved being a SAHM.

And so, I face the bitter reality of the corporate world again tomorrow. I hope it doesn’t eat me alive. I’m scared…REALLY scared.

New Life

We came home from the trip to a new family member or two or three …

Robins have taken up residence on the light on our front porch. I reached my hand in VERY carefully when Mamma was off getting breakfast on Wednesday morning and with JUST my fingernails, so as not to disturb the eggs or leave my scent on her eggs, I reached in and felt at least 3 eggs. If there were no eggs, I would have removed the nest because it is a MESS on my porch, but I couldn’t bring myself to take away the nest with babies inside, so we are leaving it until they have raised their little family.

Every night, I peek out the window and Mrs. Robin is sitting loyally on her eggs, awaiting the birth of her new spring babes.

I’m looking forward to the chirp, chirp, chirp every morning when the babies are begging for their breakfast!

Life is good….life is really good.

Back to life, back to reality

Well, the cruise is over. Man what a great two weeks I have had.

Wednesday, April 12th - 8:15 am - we are on the road. We get to new York and the GPS system messes up. We circle around for 20 minutes before getting “Emily”, the GPS, back on track! We drove through New York, Pennsylvania and almost all the way through West Vrigina, before we stopped in Charleston, WV at Embassy Suites. We were VERY impressed with the hotel! We went to Chili’s for dinner, the kids went swimming at the hotel and then we crashed. We ate our complimentary buffet breakfast and were on our way by about 10:00 am.

Thursday, April 13th - 10:00 am - we left West Virginia. We drove through the remainder of WV, Virginia, North Carolina and South Carolina. We stopped in Savannah, Georgia at the Marriott, where we had an unbelievable suite. We felt like rich folk!!! The hotel was hosting a gala for a big group of US soldiers that had just come home from Iraq. They were all so handsome in their uniforms and I was overwhelmed by the bravery in that hotel! The kids went swimming and we crashed.

Friday, April 14th - 10:30 am - we left the Marriott and drove through the little portion of Georgia and then entered Florida. We arrived at our hotel, which we had pre-booked, the Tampa Airport Sheraton Suites at about 5:30. We weren’t as thrilled with this hotel, but it was ok. Again, the kids went for a swim and then dinner at Olive Garden…it’s been a long time since we’ve had Olive Garden and the taste of those breadsticks and the salad brought me right back in time! We did a little shopping at Target…bought the boys a bucket and shovel for the beach the next day, I got a pair of sunglasses and we bought the boys a journal so they could write about their cruising adventures. We got to bed around 10:00.

Saturday, April 15th - 9:00 am - we headed over to Clearwater Beach for the day. The weather was amazing and the kids loved jumping the waves in the ocean! We left at about 2:00 because it was just so hot and headed back to the hotel for a swim. We went to Chili’s for dinner. We took the boys mini-golfing at Celebration Station in Brandon and I got 3 holes-in-one, Nicholas got two and Frankie got one!!! We headed back to the hotel for an early night, knowing that tomorrow was the big day!!!

Sunday, April 16th - 11:00 am - we left for the Tampa Port to meet our ship, The Carnival Miracle. We got there for about 11:15 and the valet took our van to a safe parking spot for the week. The porter took our luggage away for us and we headed upstairs for embarkation. The lady who checked us in was so friendly and helpful. We waited for about 45 minutes and were on the ship by about 12:15. As we expected, the atrium of the ship was breathtaking. Glass elevators in the middle of the lobby and fantastic artwork all around us. We weren’t able to go to our cabins, as the stewards were still cleaning from the previous cruise, so we went up to the Lido Deck (Deck 9) for some lunch. We explored some of the beautiful ship before heading up to our cabins at about 1:30. The boys even jumped onto the waterslide in their shorts because their bathing suits were packed!! When we got to our cabins, Joe’s Mom and I unpacked while Joe took the boys for more exploring and then it was bathing suit time! Up to the Lido Deck as the Miracle sailed away from Tampa.

The rest of the week, as far as days are concerned, are pretty much a blur! lol! Monday was a Fun Day at Sea, Tuesday was Grand Cayman, Wednesday was Cozumel, Thursday was Belize and Friday was supposed to be Costa Maya, but the Captain chose not to dock due to high waves and winds, so we ended up having Friday and Saturday as Fun Days at Sea.

We took the boys on a really fun excursion in Grand Cayman. We swam with the stingrays at Stingray City, we visted a turtle farm and we went to Hell (a town on Grand Cayman). Our tour guide, Noreen, was wonderful and we had a blast!!!

We chose not to get off the boat in Cozumel. The hurricane did so much damage to the pier and the port and because we had the privilege of seeing Cozumel in 2004, pre-hurricane, we wanted to remember it that way. We spent the day on the ship and the boys had the waterslide to themselves, so it was all good.

We went to the port in Belize, and were not that impressed with what we saw. But, I have to give the country the benefit of the doubt, considering we did not venture past the pier shops because the weather was a bit overcast and we had left Nanna and Nicholas on the ship. I got my hair braided (only three on each side) and then we headed back to the ship.

As I mentioned, the Costa Maya port-of-call was cancelled due to high winds and waves, but the weather was perfect for a day in the sun on the ship.

Nanna won $1,500 US on a slot machine, I won $250 US in bingo and I came in 11th on a slot tournament. The casino was kind to us this trip!!

The boys LOVED Camp Carnival. They did scavenger hunts, had their faces painted, played Gameboy, Playstation, Bingo, you name it…they did it. Joe and I got to enjoy lots of alone time while the boys were off playing, so it worked out well for all of us.

Frankie played Jeopardy on stage and came in second. He also did a hula-hoop contest and came in second. He really loves to be the centre of attention…no idea where he got THAT from! ;o)

We have some beautiful professional photos, which I plan to try to scan tonight. Hopefully, it will work and I can share them with you.

The shows were fantastic and the comediens were hilarious. There was a hypnotist who had us all in stitches and the dancers were awesome!

The food, as usual with Carnival, was incredible. The drinks were nice and strong. Nicholas LIVED on 24 hour cheese pizza and ice cream for the week and I lived on Budweisers! ;o)

We left the ship at 9:30 on Sunday, April 24th and got straight on the road. We arrived in Colombia, South Carolina at about 6:00 pm and stayed at Embassy Suites. We left there at 10:00 on Monday and drove to Charleston, West Virginia, where we stayed at Residence Inn. We left there at about 10:30 and arrived home on Tuesday night around 9:00.

We came home to a robin’s nest on our front porch light, which we have decided to leave there for the summer, as there are eggs in the nest.

An incredibly relaxing and enjoyable trip. I can’t wait for our next cruise! Pictures to be posted on my photoblog shortly.

Almost home

We are about to complete the last leg of our trip home. We are in Charleston, West Virginia, where we spent the night at the Residence Inn. We have had such a good time, but as we all know well, all good things must come to an end.

I figure we have about 5 hours of warm weather left, before we start hitting the cold weather and baron trees. I was just getting used to waking up to sunshine, birds singing and green, lush trees. Now, it’s back to reality.

At least we are in spring time and it will only be a short time before Ontario is lush and green again…sigh.

I will get Joe to upload all of our photos tomorrow and will post a LOOOONG blog entry with details of our wonderful vacation.

To the anonymous commenter who posted on my March 21st entry

I wondered why you chose to be a coward and left your comment anonymously. If you are so strong in your convictions (and obviously feel you have no faults by your tone), then why not leave your name for all to see?

If you would like to leave me a comment, please have the decency to leave your name. The mere fact that you remained anonymous lessens your credibility.

Also, if you have lost 7 close friends and family in less than 4 years, then by all means, judge me, based on your personal experience. Otherwise, you have NO IDEA how it feels and how I am desperately seeking answers and peace. I am searching in every direction for peace and I will do it as I see fit.

So again, unless you leave your name, don’t leave your comments.

Religion issues

Nicholas is having his First Communion this April. Two days after our baby is due by the way.

Anyway, I have issues with our Priest. Frankly, I can’t stand the guy. He has NO social skills, his homilies are enough to put you to sleep and he has NO passion about what he does.

To put things into perspective, we live in what I would consider to be a pretty affluent area. Our parish has been around for about six years, give or take. We are still worshipping in a school gym because:

(a) This Priest has decided that we need an $11 MILLION church. ELEVEN MILLION DOLLARS!!!!! To date, the parish has raised $4.5 million. Why in the name of anything holy would we need an ELEVEN MILLION DOLLAR church???? Because we need to outdo the other new Catholic church in town, who spent $9 million.

(b) No one likes this Priest. He is SO rude. He refuses to shake hands with anyone due to germs. He has NO manners whatsoever and is very abrupt and pompous. He is just not a nice man at ALL.

We enrolled Nicholas in the church’s list of First Communion Candidates today and his Baptism Certificate was not attached to the Enrolment Form. He made a HUGE hoopla in front of all the other kids and parents and SPAT, “It MUST be faxed to the parish office tomorrow!” The venom in his voice, face and words was frightening.

All this guy ever does is ask for money. When we go to church, I feel like I am watching that chick from the PBS, begging for a pledge. It is people like him who keep us AWAY from church.

Nicholas likes him, so I guess that is the main thing for his First Communion. We aren’t even ALLOWED to go to another parish if Nicholas wants to have his First Communion with his classmates because, and I quote, “The Church performs the sacrament, NOT the school. If you don’t want your child to bring your child to this parish every week, don’t bother even ASKING if they can come along with their class.”

GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR….

T minus 19 hours

It’s almost here! Vacation time is upon us and it couldn’t come soon enough!

Gotta get back to packing the last minute stuff…

More tonight.

Ready to Rock!

Bags packed? … check

Van loaded? … check

Let’s go! Less than 10 hours and we’ll be ON THE ROAD baby!

NOW the excitement is almost too much to bear!!!!

I’ll be checking in from the ship and hope to update once or twice!

I hope everyone stays safe while I’m gone!

BYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!

I.HATE.PACKING.

Oh my gosh I hate packing. I always feel like I’ve forgotten something, and yet, my suitcase is filled to the brim with stuff I’ll probably never even WEAR!

I *know* I’m going to unpack everything tomorrow and re-pack, just to be sure.

UGH UGH UGH!!!!!

Back on the up part of the roller coaster

Things are much better tonight.

It’s my wedding anniversary today. Joe and I have been married for 12 years today. What a difference 12 years has made. There are 5 new people in our immediate family (Frankie, Courtney, Rebekah, Nicholas and Danielle). We have lost 5 very close family members (Joe’s Dad, Joe’s grandmother, my grandfather, my Dad and my sister). We have moved 3 times. We have had a cat, two dogs, 2 bird, umpteen fish and a rabbit. I have gained about 70 lbs…and lost 20. Joe has gained about 30 pounds and is still gaining ;o)!!! I have quit smoking, started again, quit again and started again…I could go on and on.

I am so thankful for all I have in my life. As much negative as we have had to endure, we have so much more positive.

Life is good again…for now. ;o)

The roller coaster of my life

Some days are so hard to be me. Bear with me here…it’s gonna be a depressing, poor me entry tonight.

Some days, like today, are such hard work to get through. Nothing goes right, I say and do everything wrong, pissing off everyone in my path.

On days like today, I just want to be alone. I want the walls of my impenetrable and opaque bubble to surround me so that no one can get in. I want to fall asleep and not wake up. I just want to die.

Now, that being said, I have never, ever been; nor will I ever be suicidal. I want the easy way out. I want to go to sleep and not wake up. But I could never, ever do it myself. So before you all go out and call the mental ward on my behalf, know that I will not ever kill myself. But, on days like today, I wouldn’t be sad if God decided to take me overnight. Sometimes, I think I am more of a burden on my friends and family than I am an asset. My stupid ways cause more anger and upset than good. I’m just plain useless.

But, tomorrow is another day, and just like the other hundreds of days that have been this low, it will pass. I will be a new person tomorrow and no one will be any worse for wear. I will go on, taking one day at a time and enjoying the highs and surviving through the lows. Today is a “feel sorry for me” day. Tomorrow, if history is any indication, will be a good day, filled with sunshine and family time.

I hope my friends and family can deal with my roller coaster. It is a horrible roller coaster that I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy. But, as hard as the lows are, the highs make up for everything.

Tomorrow is my 12th wedding anniversary…maybe that will make the day a little brighter…maybe not.

Until tomorrow…..

Six more days!

I am so exicted about this trip.

I’m AFRAID to be excited, but I AM.

I started packing today and have mostly done it, save for my shoes, underwear and my toiletries.

Gosh I need this trip.

Tug O' War

Lately, I am feeling pulled in every direction. Everyone wants me to be at their beckon call and I just can’t do it.

My kids, my Mom, Joe, my friends…everyone wants me to do things with them and not only am I too busy doing stuff for other people, it’s like a mortal sin if I just don’t WANT to do something. Sometimes, it’s OK to not do anything at all. It’s OK to not want to be with other people.

I wish someone would explain this to the people in my life. I am there for everyone as much as….no….MORE than I can be. I need to take care of me too. If I don’t want to go for a walk, I won’t. Just leave me alone once in a while.

UGH!!!!!!

Poetry

I found a poem I wrote for my Dad the month before he died and thought I would share it here…

It seems like yesterday that I wrote it.

You fought a valiant battle
We thought that you had won
But the cancer has returned
Your war is almost done.

The doctors tried their best you see
To make you well again
But cancer is an evil thing
That causes fear and pain.

Your journey’s coming to an end
Your life on earth, near through
But please, don’t ever forget Dad
How much we all love you.

Your life is being taken
We all know you’re not old
Your days on earth are numbered
We accept the truth we’re told.

I hope your trip to Heaven
Is as quick as it can be
Although I’ll miss you dearly,
I will know that you are free.

I pray that Heaven does exist
And that you’ll always be
Forever in Eternity
Waiting there for me.

Keep a place for me up there
With Jesus as your friend
So that when we meet again dear Dad
The bond we share won’t end.

You are my Dad, my friend, my rock
I so look up to you
What will I do without you Dad
You are my world, it’s true.

The memories come flooding back
How you’ve been there for me
You’ve made me everything I am
And what I’m yet to be.

The tears are falling down like rain
My heart is torn in two
Oh Daddy, please watch over me
In everything I do.

I will always remember you
And the life you gave to me
Your courage and your love for us
Make it effortless to see.

Peace and love be with you
Until your journey’s through
Please remember Daddy
How much I do love you.

~ Dawn, April 4th, 2004

My Whirley Girls

Burned!

Ouchie-Wah-Wah!!!

I went for my first tanning session yesterday. Ten minutes in the regular bed…now my back and stomach are red raw! How the hell does someone burn in a tanning bed??? I didn’t think it was humanly possible…especially in TEN MINUTES!!!

I have to do some research on this because maybe I should be wearing sunscreen in there.

UGH! Just call me lobster girl.

The power of a memory

I found a website tonight that has me back in my childhood.

http://www.melaman2.com/tvshows

It has the theme songs from all kinds of tv shows, most of which are from my childhood. Three’s Company, Love Boat, Too Close for Comfort, Little House ont eh Prairie, Alice….and on and on.

It’s amazing that a song can take you right back into the moment. They say that smell is the sense that creates deja vu, but I swear it’s hearing. I can be instantly transported to another time and place with just one song. I actually cried when I heard the theme to Little House on the Prairie. I pictured Joanne and I watching at 8:00 on a Friday night…the time we ALWAYS watched Little House. The innocence of that program and the company of my sister was everything I needed at the ripe old age of 10.

I wish we could turn back time. I wish we could relive the happy times over and over again. Those days were the best days of my life…carefree, no responsibilities and complete and utter innocence. All of which is lost a few years later.

The wholesome tv shows we all watched back then were so wonderful. Families could watch all together and parents didn’t have to worry about someone’s boob popping out or someone swearing or someone having one-night-stand sex. It was about family and fun and again, I use the word, “innocence”. Innocence defines my childhood in a nutshell.

Oh to have innocence again. Not just for me, but for my children, who know WAAAAY more than I ever knew, even as a young teenager.

But, alas, times have changed. Our children know too much, too soon. The age of innocence has dropped drastically. I was innocent at 15. Kids nowadays lost their innocence at 10. Gosh, I sound like my mother. Gonna stop now while I still have an ounce of normalness to me!!!

Spring has sprung!

I am typing this entry, sitting on my deck, enjoying the GORGEOUS weather. My thermometer is reading 24 degrees in the sun. NICE-O-LA!

I’m sipping on a Stella and loving this sun in my face.

Starting to get really excited about my cruise in TEN days….just ten short days and we will be on the road to Tampa, Florida, with our eyes on getting to the Carnival Miracle for Sunday! So, so pumped about it!

I signed up for ten tanning sessions today and will go for my first one at about 4:30 today. Ten days + ten tanning sessions = a nice base for me!!!

April Fool's Day

So, it’s 5:42 pm on April Fool’s Day and so far, no one has played any pranks on me.

That’s a good thing!

I still hurt all over…

That’s a bad thing!