Ouch!

I hurt. My arms hurt, my legs hurt, my back hurts…hell, my EYELASHES hurt.

I have walked every day this week, approximately 3 kms each day. Last night, Joe, Frankie and I walked 3 kms, but we POWER-WALKED! Now, every inch of me hurts.

I put my Mom’s TV and stand together (completely by myself, I might add) and lifting a 42 inch tv alone does damage to your arm muscles…especially when the most exercise I have done in the last 5 years is walk to and from the fridge at snack time!

Joe and I tried to walk half an hour ago, but ten minutes into it, it started to pour…so we ran home.

The hot tub is empty because Joe is in the process of cleaning it (he has been cleaning it for over a month now), so I can’t even soak in the tub to ease the pain.

I just have to keep thinking of how good it is for me, even if it does feel bad.

Back to the couch now…

Another hard day

They are on my mind constantly…Joanne and Dad consume my thoughts.

I wish I could speak to them just one more time. Just one more hug….

OK, so I cheated a wee bit

Joe and I went to a greasy spoon with Kathy and Bruno this morning. I had bacon and eggs (YIKES).

I went to Herbal Magic to weigh in afterwards and I have lost 1/2 a pound. I hope it doesn’t catch up to me later in the week!!!

I’m going for a LOOONG walk right now to try to work off the fat I ate this morning.

Bad Dawn…BAD DAWN!!!!!!!!!

A very special man

I want to tell you about a man named Father Liborio.

We had the pleasure of meeting him when Joe and I started attending church just after we got engaged. I was Anglican, Joe is Catholic. I chose to convert to Catholicism when we married.

From the moment I met him, I liked him. His homilies were funny, witty, appropriate for the Gospel he read and interesting. I looked forward to church each Sunday, mainly because of Father Liborio.

When it came time for me to start catholicism classes, Father Liborio took my under his wing. He was upfront and honest in his teachings and he shared some amazing stories with me. Father Liborio was the one who gave me my first communion as a Catholic and a month before our wedding, he confirmed me as a Catholic. He was in charge of our marriage classes, the content of which I carry with me to this day. His advice has been a huge part of our marriage, for which I will be forever grateful.

On April 9th, Father Liborio married Joe and I. His homily at our ceremony was touching, funny and typically Father Liborio! We laughed, we cried and we laughed again.

After we married, we continued to attend the same church, even though it was out of our way to go there every Sunday, (we moved away from the area) because Father Liborio made it fun. After a year or two, Father Liborio was transferred to another church in Mississauga. We made the trip down there a few times, but it was quite a long drive, so we attended our local church for a while. It just wasn’t the same.

When Frankie was born, we knew that we wanted Father Liborio to baptize him and we made special arrangements to have him baptized in Father Liborio’s new parish. Once again, Father Liborio was wonderful. Time passed and we stopped seeing him for a while.

When my Dad got sick, the first person I wanted to talk with was Father Liborio. I googled him and found him at a church in Newmarket (again, a long way from our home), but a few times, we drove out to see our favourite priest in action. Nothing had changed. He was still the same funny and interesting speaker he had always been.

Again, we lost contact and when I lost Joanne, he was the one I needed to talk to. I googled and searched and googled some more and finally found him. He no longer has a parish, but works on the vocational side of things. If a young man feels the call to the priesthood, Father Liborio guides and mentors them. So, I emailed him at the address I found on google and had no response. I finally found a phone number to reach him at and he answered the phone on the second ring. I told him about Joanne and asked if it was possible to meet with him. He said that he would love to meet with me, but that he was going away to the Holy Land. He gave me his email address and said he would be in contact when he returned from his trip.

True to his word, when he got back, he emailed me and we arranged to meet with him for lunch today.

Sitting with him today at Jack Astor’s was the most comfort I have felt in a long time. It’s not what he says, it’s not how he says it, it’s just HIM. He has such a way about him that just makes you feel relaxed and comfortable. Nothing I say is stupid, nothing is “wrong”. He accepts me for who I am and doesn’t judge. He is not any better than me and makes me feel as though I am his equal.

I heart Father Liborio!

Boys will be boys

The love each other. They would be lost without one another. So why in the love of Pete do they fight so much?

Every ten minutes, someone is yelling, crying or hitting. It’s driving me bonkers!

I remember fighting with my sister, but looking at it as an adult, I can’t understand it.

At the end of each day, they insist on sleeping together in the same bed and they giggle and play together. When I go to bed, I sneak my last look of the day at them and they are wrapped around each other, sound asleep. That helps me to forget the day of fighting and bickering, but the days are tough to handle!

It's gonna be a looooong day

I’m feeling blue today. Not horribly depressed, just blue. The last couple of days have been a bit of a struggle. I am thinking about Joanne constantly.

Joe and I were chatting a little last night and listening to Mark’s CD, when we started talking about the song that Mark wrote and sang to Joanne at their wedding. I thought for a few minutes and finally, the tune came to me and some of the lyrics did too…I can’t remember how it starts, but here is what I remember:

The missing pieces come together now it’s plain to see
That you were always there for me
Together till eternity
And now my heart and soul’s complete
No words can tell you how I feel.

Cuz I know that when you call on me
Forever I’ll be there.
It’s a love that’s true, of me and you
And I know that you still care….

As I sang it to Joe, we both started to cry and said, “If he’d only known when he wrote that song…”

I was also chatting online with a lovely lady I met through James Van Praagh’s website…AmberRose. She was so comforting and her words gave me such peace. I cried then too.

Waves of sadness are just so unpredictable

Down another pound

I have lost a total of 17 pounds so far on Herbal Magic. I currently weigh 155 lbs and my goal is 135 lbs. Only 20 lbs to go!

I have 19 days in which to lose a minimum of 5 lbs. I think I can do it!

Think thin…think thin…think thin!!!

So proud of my Frankie

Frankie wrote his speech for school today…here it is. The only part I played in this was to give him dates, spellings and grammar edits. So, so proud.

Good morning judges. My name is Frankie. Today, I will tell you about my aunt.

My aunt was born on January the 10th, 1972, in Bristol, England. Her parents named her Joanne ****. Her parents were Bob and Marlene ****, my grandparents. Her older sister was Dawn ****, but is now Dawn ********, my mom. Auntie Joanne’s family moved to Canada in 1974. She lived in Scarborough until she was 17, then they moved to Brampton.

Auntie Joanne’s job was working at a dental office, where she was the office manager. She married my uncle, Mark *********, on September 5th, 1992. They lived in a small town called Alton, just south of Orangeville. She had her first baby girl, Courtney, on May 6th 1997. Her second daughter, Rebekah, on January 22nd, 1999, and last, but not least, Danielle. She was born on June 27th, 2002.

My Aunt loved lots of things like breeding catahoula leopard dogs, riding horses and riding her snowmobile. She was very fit and she was very pretty. She was strict, but not mean. She was a person who liked to pray because she was a Christian, and she was smart. She also loved to bake.

I know you will be sad to hear that my Auntie Joanne died in an accident with a snowmobile and a car. She was killed instantly. She died on January 28th, 2006. She was 34 years old. We all miss her very much.

To cheer you up, I will tell you some funny stories about my Aunt. My aunt came to pick me and my brother up one day and she was playing with us. She would drive the car funny to try to scare us. She would throw parties for holidays like Christmas and Easter. She would give away the best loot bags ever and she held amazing scavenger hunts. If we were ever scared, Auntie Joanne would read us a story when we slept over. I loved her pancakes they were the best!

I miss my Aunt very much. I know she is in Heaven with my Grandpa and that they watch over me.

Thank you for listening to my speech.

Past Life Regression

Well, I went for a past life regression today. In a nutshell, a professional hypnotist takes you to a place before this lifetime and asks you questions about your surroundings. You answer them as he asks, while you are under hypnosis.

I have to tell you that I was the BIGGEST skeptic out there. There was NO WAY anyone would ever be able to hypnotize me…well, he DID!

Laugh if you want, but here’s my past life…

I was a Native American girl by the name of Rachel. I was 26 years old when I “arrived” through hypnosis. I died at 28 when I fell from my horse and hit my head. I lived with my parents and my cousin, John, age 13. His mother died during childbirth. I also went back further to when I was 7 years old, playing in our village with the other children. I could hear the childrens’ laughter. When we were eating supper, I could smell the fire. I felt the hot sand beneath my feet.

We lived in the United States and there were lots of red rocks around…like Arizona. We lived in homes made of sticks.

I have the taped session and will listen to it once I find a damned cassette player (all we have are CD players!)

I am still amazed by what I saw, heard and smelled during that session. Absolutely unbelievable.

I did it! I did it!!

I walked for half an hour today!!!

I put on my CD player with some really cool music and I power walked for half an hour!

I also transferred my Herbal Magic membership from one store to another. I wasn’t getting what I needed at the first store, so moved to another, which is closer to home anyway!! The lady I met today was lovely. We clicked right away.

I have had 4 bottles of water today (2 litres) and I have eaten healthily. I am so proud of myself.

I feel much better tonight than I did this morning. Amazing what a difference a day can make.

I had to force myself out of bed this morning

I got up at 9:10…I could have stayed in bed all day. I had every intention of walking to Timmy’s for my coffee…until I opened the front door and realized it was a TUNDRA outside. The wind was crazy and there was snow blowing around. Ixnay on THAT. I will, however, walk for half an hour at some point today.

My mind feels so foggy today. I have the old familiar pain in my heart that I had when Dad died. When I think of Joanne, I feel physically ill.

Why is it that we have good days and bad days? I remember wondering the same thing when Dad died. You expect to be “over it” by now and there are some days that are worse than the early days.

I think in Joanne’s case, I am dealing with guilt. Our relationship was very rocky for a while and although we made amends, I feel bad for the things that were said/not said. She said and did some very hurtful things and so did I, but I will never be able to say I’m sorry properly. That is a guilt I will carry forever. I hope in her eternal mind that she now knows why I said what I said and did what I did. I like to think that she can read my mind now and more importantly, she can read my heart. If she can, then she will forgive me. She will know that everything was out of love. Sorry, I am rambling.

I’m trying to be positive and think about our trip, but it’s a real chore to stay strong. Some days, it takes every ounce of strength I have to get out of bed…that was today.

Must.lose.weight.

So I’ve been on Herbal Magic for a few months now. I have lost 14 lbs. I went through a time where I thought I was pregnant, so I put my account on hold for two weeks. Then I went through Joanne’s death, so I put my account on hold for another two weeks.

Now, I am having a REAAAALLLYYY hard time getting back on track. I am currently at 159 lbs and effing HOLDING. I cannot get over this hump. OK…I *could* get over the hump if I would get off my fat arse and exercise. I know exactly what I have to do, but I refuse to do it. What is WITH that?! Why can’t I just walk for half an hour a day? The weather is getting nicer. There is NO excuse besides laziness.

Well, now there is a bit of a fire under my butt…we are going on our cruise in less than one month. If I am going to put a bathing suit on and NOT die of embarassment, then I need to get my ass in gear…and FAST.

So…

Starting tomorrow, I am going to start walking. Half an hour per day. I will walk to Tim Horton’s to have my coffee, instead of driving there. I *WILL* do this.

I’ll tell you how it goes tomorrow…..

I'm feeling a bit better now

The fresh air I got today done me good. )

I made a nice supper and our bestest friends, Kathy and Bruno came over with their girls. I made a new dish tonight, but unfortunately, I didn’t make enough. How embarassing, especially since it was so good. UGH.

We played a DVD game of “Shout” where you play on teams and shout out the answers. We had a blast. Nicholas was on the boys’ team, of course, but as soon as they boys started to lose, he was on our team. Well in the last round, things looked bad for the girls, so he went back with the boys. The boys won and Nicholas denied that he was ever on our team, he was just visiting with us. LMAO! What a kid.

I guess it's because I am worn out

I am really feeling low today. Well, last night and today. Nothing feels right. I imagining symptoms of a deadly disease(that hasn’t happened in AGES). I feel on the verge of tears all the time.

I just want to curl up and go to sleep.

Maybe I’ll feel better this afternoon after some fresh air.

Can my body (and mind) *be* any more tired??

than it is right now?

We just got home from Niagara Falls, where we stayed last night. It was jam packed with people and the lineup for the pool was 45 minutes at a GOOD time. The kids swam once.

We took them to Ripley’s Believe It or Not this afternoon and they LOVED it. They were so interested by all the cool things there!

I am absolutely wiped. This week has been a whirlwind of activity and now, I am going to enjoy a glass of wine and head off to bed.

The hurricane has left the area

Well, it wasn’t so much of a hurricane this time, but Rebekah had me up at 5:00 AM! Man oh man, I don’t know how she does it. She goes and goes and goes ALL day and last night, she went to sleep at 10:30, but she’s still up at 5 and went ALL day today.

I love those girls like my own. I’m glad we spend that quality time together.

Nicholas tested for his second gold belt stripe tonight. He has to work on his side kick tomorrow and then will test again tomorrow night! He’s so pumped. This is the kid who HATED karate and cried every week when it was time for class. Now, he can’t get enough!!

Frankie is at karate right now. He is a violet belt, and still has a little way to go before he gets his first stripe. He loves karate too.

Skating is cancelled for this and last Saturday due to March break and the kids are chomping at the bit to go. Tomorrow, they are going to a day camp with the girls, where they will skate, horseback ride and have TONS o’ fun. I have to drop them off at 9:00 and pick them up at 5:00. Two tired little boys will await my arrival, I am sure!

Renewed faith in the corporate world

As most of you know, we were supposed to go on a cruise on February 5th. Joanne died on January 28th, so we cancelled our cruise. Because it was exactly 7 days before the trip, we were able to get 50% back (company policy is that up to 7 days prior, you get 50% back, 6 days and later, zippo) We cancelled the DAY Joanne died. If we had called the next day, we would have been S.O.L.

Joe booked the trip and didn’t get cancellation insurance. I *ALWAYS* get cancellation insurance. Not because I have some premonition that someone will die, but because we have children. Kids can get sick at the drop of a hat. I *NEVER* take chances…never.

After we cancelled, Joe sent a letter to Carnival, setting out the circumstances of our situation, in the hopes that they would “bend” the rules a little and give us a credit due to the tragedy we had endured. We realized full-well that Carnival owed us NOTHING. They had lived up to their end of the bargain by giving us 50% back. That was all they had to do legally.

We got a response about two weeks later, stating that we should give them 4-6 weeks to review and then we would have a decision.

So late last week, we got a phone call from our vacation planner at Carnival. She advised that the decision was in and that Carnival was going to give us a free upgrade, valid for one year. A free upgrade means that if we book an inside cabin and pay for this inside cabin, Carnival would automatically upgrade us to an outside cabin. Now, one can say that this is a goodwill gesture on Carnival’s part. I totally agree. Again, they owed us NOTHING. The problem is that a free upgrade of nothing is still…yeah…nothing. We had originally paid close to $4,000 for this trip. We got $2,000 back, but were still out $2,000. How could we possibly put out another $4,000 for a new cruise?! I was so disappointed.

So today, I called Carnival and spoke to the most wonderful lady, Jiveth. Jiveth listened to my story and actually APOLOGIZED that Carnival didn’t review my case more closely. That this was an extreme circumstance. She asked me to fax her a copy of Joanne’s Death Certificate; apologizing all along for having to ask me for it and told me she would have it re-assessed today.

At 2:30, I was advised that Carnival had issued a credit for the remaining balance that we had paid. My heart leapt out of my chest! We immediately called our Vacation Planner, Barbie, and re-booked our original cruise for April 16th. Same itinerary, same ship.

Carnival Cruiselines has proven that I am not JUST a number. I am a human being who has endured the untimely death of her young sister. Many corporations out there (one particular airline in particular who charged my mother $1800 to fly home on an emergcency flight for Joanne’s funeral) don’t give a rat’s ASS about you. You are one of millions who pay out money every year to cruise/fly/play/relax/whatever.

Carnival…Barbie…and Jivetha…thank you from the bottom of my grateful heart. Your generosity and understanding means more to me than I can EVER tell you. The world needs more corporations like Carnival Cruiselines. Going the extra mile for their customer and making that customer feel so special. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

The girls are coming!! The girls are coming!!

Courtney, Rebekah and Danielle are coming for a sleepover today!

I get my girly fix!

Shaggy Sunday

Joe and I took the boys to see “The Shaggy Dog” today. What a HOOT! The boys LOVED it. I thought it was a little silly, but the computer animation is awesome and it IS good for a few belly laughs.

Nicholas finished an entire serving of nachos with cheese!

I came home and cooked the most amazing lamb chops with stuffing I’ve ever made. MMMMM…so deeeelish!

Gotta go…SOPRANOS SEASON SIX IS ON!!!!!!!!!!!! WOOOOOOOOOOHOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!

Simple Saturday

Today is going to be a very low-key simple day. I plan to clean up a little (OK ALOT…like a WHOLE winter’s worth) of Rosie’s Poo from the backyard…YAY.

Once that is done, gonna clean my room a little.

We’re going to our best pals’ house for dinner.

That’s it…simple Saturday.

Thoughtful Thursday

People I think about alot lately…

My Dad
My sister
My brother-in-law
My nieces
My children
My Priest
My Mom
Max, my dog that we had to give away
My sales team
My Grampy

Fun Friday

Today, we bought the boys their first “real” hockey sticks! They’ve been playing hockey in the basement for a few months now, but they have been using plastic “baby” sticks. Today, Joe decided it was time to do what every good Canadian Daddy does for his sons and he bought them their hockey sticks.

They are down there playing now while I type this and I think Joe is having more fun than the boys are!

I can hear him yelling that Nicholas is a cheater and, “NO GOAL! NO GOAL!” LOL! Ah the joys of a mom of boys!

Wishful Wednesday

I wish I had:

(1) $1,000,000.00;
(2) Psychic powers;
(3) More willpower.

What do YOU wish for?

Auntie Dawn's little angel

Danielle is just too cute for words.

We spent the afternoon together and she is just so adorable. We did some crafts and then we played with her farm animals.

I told her she was so cute that I wanted to eat her and she said, “Noooo….then there will be no more Danielleeeee!” So I told her I’d just eat her toes and she said that they were delicious and that they were covered in sprinkles, chocolate chips, ice cream, cherries, smarties and on and on she went!!

My Mom was with me and at one point, she asked Danielle, “Danielle, what are you…you are Grandma’s….?” Danielle replied, “ANGEL!!” and I said, “That’s right and you’re Auntie Dawn’s little angel too!” And she is…oh my goodness, she is. There is just something about Danielle that sets her apart from any other child I have ever met. She is truly lovely…you cannot even IMAGINE her perfectness without knowing her…she is a Godsend that I will be forever thankful for.

I wish they lived closer. It’s a good 45-60 minutes from here on a good day.

I cherish my moments with the girls so much.

Travellin' Tuesday

Mom and I are going up to visit with my youngest niece, Danielle today. Her sisters are in school, so it will be ALLLLLLL about Danielle!

I can’t wait to squeeze her to bits.

More later……..

Manic Monday

The boys are at school this morning (fingers crossed that they stay and that their coughs aren’t too bad).

Today is cleaning day…clean the bathrooms and bedrooms…try to get rid of the germs the boys have coughed all over the house.

Also going to try to get some scrapbooking done - I have my space all arranged in the basement…now I just need the motivation to get my butt down there and DO IT!

Sick and tired of cik and tired

As I type, Nicholas is *finally* sound asleep beside me on the loveseat and Frankie is sound asleep on the couch beside Joe.

I have done everything I possibly can for them to stop their coughing, and *knock on wood* they haven’t coughed in the last seven minutes. I have given them both cough syrup, I have the vicks humidifier running in each of their rooms with the vapo-medication stuff in the chamber, I have rubbed Vicks Vapo-Rub on their chests and backs and now, the reason they are down here with us, is to lie them more upright than in their beds.

They have been sick all weekend with fever, sore throats, coughs, stomach aches, fatigue, near-vomitting and just plain miserableness (is that even a word?). I am so tired from two sleepless nights and I have cabin fever from not leaving the house since Friday.

I’m praying that this is almost over…I feel so bad for both of them…gotta go - Frankie’s hacking again…sigh.

Sentimental Sunday...

Things I am grateful for:

1. My husband and children;
2. My Mom;
3. My mother-in-law;
4. My health;
5. My home;
6. My lapdog, Rosie;
7. The fact that I have money in my pocket and food on my table;
8. My friends;
9. My nieces and brother-in-law, my nephews and brother-in-law and sister-in-law;
10. My computer.

A little something from time gone by that makes me sentimental too. Frankie, graduating from senior kindergarten…June, 2002…sniff…

Shut Up Saturday!

Some people I’d like to tell to SHUT UP:

Ryan Seacrest - Man he annoys me;

Simon Cowell - He’s just bugs me beyond belief;

The kid at the grocery store today - she was hysterical, screaming, “I want a CAAAAAAAKE!!!” over and over and over again. It was just about to drive me out of my mind (from the other side of the store, mind you) when the mother did the most incredibly stupid thing….come on….guess…SHE BOUGHT THE FRIGIN’ CAKE!!!!!! Now THAT taught her daughter a great lesson. I hope she’s never in the store at the same time as me again, because she will obviously do it again for whatever she yearns for next time;

My husband…last night, his snoring was enough to wake the dead. As I type this, he is lying on the family room couch sawing logs again.

So with the utmost respect, I kindly request that you all just

SHUT UP!!!!!

A few pics to share on this Free-For-All-Froday

I think I’m going to make my blog themed by day of the week. Today is Friday, so it is now “Free-For-All-Friday”!

Crocus-Minded

My Mom’s pastor read this little piece in her sermon the Sunday after Joanne’s funeral. I thought it was quite appropriate for the time…

Crocus-Minded
by Jo Sorley

It takes courage
to be crocus-minded.
God, I’d rather wait until June,
Like wise roses,
When the hazards of winter are safely behind,
and I’m expected,
and everything’s ready for roses.

But crocuses?
Highly irregular.
Knifing through hard-frozen ground and snow,
and sticking their necks out,
because they believe in spring
and have something personal
and emphatic to say about it.
God, I am by nature rose-minded.
Even when I have studied the situation here
and know there are wrongs that need righting,
affirmations that need stating,
and know also that my speaking out may offend . . .
for it rocks the boat . . .

Well, I’d rather wait until June.
Maybe later things will work themselves out,
and we won’t have to make an issue of it.
God, forgive,
Wrongs don’t work themselves out.
Injustices and inequities and hurts don’t just dissolve.
Somebody has to stick her neck out,
Somebody who cares enough
to think through
and work through hard ground,
because she believes
and has something personal
nd emphatic to say about it.

Me God?
Crocus-minded?
Could it be that there are things that need to be said,
and you want me to say them?

I pray for courage.

Strange happenings

So my Mom went downstairs for breakfast this morning and she notices that the clock in her family room has stopped…at 5:10. Big deal, right? Wait…there’s more.

She’s at the mall today and looks at her wrist watch to check the time…her watch has stopped….at 5:10. Coincidence? Maybe. But consider that the time that Mark called my Mom in England to tell her of Joanne’s death, was 5:10. Yesterday was the one month anniversary of Joanne’s death.

Another thing…

Last week, in the middle of the night (4:00 am), my Mom was awoken by music from her basement. She went down there and found that her clock radio was on. She has lived in this house since May. The last time she touched that clock was just after she moved in, when she set the time on that clock. She hadn’t been in the basement lately either…she has no reason to be down there.

Very cool….very cool indeed.