Monday, 10 July 2006

Who let the dogs out? WOOT, WOOT, WOOT, WOOT, WOOT (profanity warning)

OK, not so “woot”…

There’s this White Trash Family across the street from us that own this mangy little rat of a dog. Every night at around midnight, they let this little shit out for a … well, a shit. Problem is, they let him out and then go back in the house. He proceeds across the street (yes, AWAY from his effing house) and he shits on either my lawn or one of my two next-door neighbours’ lawns.

Three times, I have witnessed said shitting firsthand, and all three times, I knocked on the trailer-trashes’ door and advised them that their pooch just pooped on my lawn. They then, under protest of course, pull up their cut off shorts, adjust their wife beaters and stroll over with a bag to pick it up.

There have been many, many other occasions when I have gone out in the morning, only to find a pile of crap on my lawn. Unfortunately, with no proof, other than the fact that their little furball is the only other little dog on the street besides my Rosie, I have felt “unjustified” in doing what needs to be done.

Well my blog-reading friends, the time has come. Tonight, I plan to have a late night stroll and put my evil little plan into action. When little “fluffy”, actually his real name is “Buddy”, comes out for his nightly bowel movement, I will be waiting, stealthily, behind my car. I will be ready to scoop his poop with my shovel, which I will do EVER so carefully. Then my friends, BEFORE they open the door to let the little effer back in, I will skink across the street and strategically place Buddy’s movement on their porch. Depending on my mood, I may even smear it a little on the cement. I will then swiftly sneak back across the street with my trusty shovel, hiding behind my car, waiting patiently for Trailer Trash and his wife to open their door to let their little crapper back into the house. I will do my best to stifle my giggles of pure satisfaction as I watch them reel at the disgust of picking up stinky dog shit. Revenge will be OH so sweet.

I have a dog. When she poops, she poops on MY property, in MY fenced backyard. In the morning, I pick up her waste and put it in MY garbage. If we take Rosie for a walk, I always carry not one, but TWO plastic bags to pick up her poop. I am a responsible dog owner and it’s about time that Trailer Trash and Trailer Trashette learned the responsibility of being a dog owner.


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