Wednesday, 28 June 2006

**ii**ii**ii**HAPPY 10TH BIRTHDAY BOY ONEDER!**ii**ii**ii**

Ten years ago today, at exactly 5:23pm EST, Boy Oneder made his way into this world. He weighed 6 lbs, 15 ozs and was 21 inches long. He had VERY little hair and he looked JUST like his Daddy. My labour was thankfully short and easy.

Today, that little baby is a decade old. I can’t believe how the time has flown by. It seems like yesterday, we were bringing our little bundle home.

Happy Birthday Sweetheart. May this be the first of many, many decades.

I love you more than life itself. Pin It

Tuesday, 27 June 2006


Boy Oneder has a little…erm…ok ALOT of gas this evening. I have NO idea what he ate, but whatever it is, it is KILLING us. He’s making popcorn in his pants and Middleman is in hysterics. We are all laughing actually.

As I breathed in the toxic gasses, I started wondering what it is that makes us laugh at farts…ESPECIALLY little boys. One farts and then the other one tries to counter-attack. Then, they burst into fits of giggles as they compare odour, decibel level and shock value.

OK…my mind is now cleared of the foul stench and I can move on to something more mature.

Back to your regularly scheduled blog… Pin It

Monday, 26 June 2006

The battle has ended

and I WON!

I got into the City’s final meeting before summer hiatus today and did a deputation on behalf of the residents of my street against the placement of the portables behind the school.

Here is my presentation:

Thank you for taking the time to hear my concerns on such short notice. Please forgive my ignorance if I address any of you incorrectly as this is the first time I have stood before Council.

I am here today as a concerned parent and resident of *subdivision name* to discuss the portables that are to be placed at St. * Catholic School for the 2006/2007 school year. This is a sincere concern not only for the safety of the students at St. *, but the children of *subdivision name*.

On June 1st, my sons brought home a newsletter from St. * School, advising that two portables were being placed on the school property. To my knowledge, no public hearings have been held to discuss these portables.

After investigating the matter on my own, I determined that the portables were to be placed behind the school (on the east side). Based on present conditions and the required 49 foot setback from the property line as advised by The City Planning Department, the amount of area remaining, not considering the size of the portables themselves, would be a mere 78 feet, severely encroaching on the primary grades play area, to accommodate grades one to six (approximately 550 children of the school population). As you can see from the photos I have provided, the play area at St. * is already much too small for the number of children who attend the school.

After making enquiries with the Zoning Department, I was advised that the Site Plan Agreement must be amended if the portables are to be placed anywhere but on the east side of the school.

I feel that the current plans for portable placement is unsafe for students and children in *Subdivision Name*, for reasons which I will explain in a moment. I would like to see the portables placed on the north side of the school, which I feel will alleviate many of the safety concerns I have.

On the north side of the school is an unused piece of land. The original plan for this area was to have a soccer field, but the poor drainage of this area has rendered it unusable to the children for much of the school year. In the winter, it is treacherous due to ice and snow. In the spring, it is a mud pit. The children use this area for very few days of the school year and are told almost daily over the PA system to stay off the grass. This is where I propose that the portables be placed. There is visibility to this area from * Avenue, which allows police patrolling the area to see behind them (the security gates in the school parking lot do not allow police to patrol the back (east side) of the school. There is much better lighting, the security cameras already installed at St. * will capture the portables, the distance from the portable to the school is 40 feet, without taking up any of the existing asphalt used by the children, the students using these portables enter the school from the northern doors, so the portables are closest to their entry to the school.

My biggest concern is the potential for crime behind these portables. Placing them on the north side allows for lighting and visibility from all sides. We would be utilizing the cameras already in place, so there would be no additional cost to the School Board to place the portables here.

My dilemma is that there are three days left in the school year. The Committee of the Whole does not meet again until September 5th, 2006, the first day of the 2006/2007 school year, and the first day on which students will be using these portables. I ask the City for it’s help in getting these portables relocated before they are put in place. Once they are placed, I was advised that the cost for relocation is $10,000. I would like to be proactive and I need your help to do this.

Thank you.

I rocked. I truly rocked. I thought I was going to either pass out or vomit from the nerves prior, but I *DID* it!

My Councillor put forth a motion that a member of the School Board, a member of the City and me, as representative for the citizens, meet to find a mutually satisfactory place for the portables!!! The motion was seconded by TWO other Councillors and I could tell, the whole time I was talking, they were ALL on board.

I am so very proud of myself. I faced my fear and opened myself up to complete humiliation had they asked me any tough questions about set backs, etc. and I did it.


I spoke with the Principal and the Superintendant of Schools right after the deputation and we are meeting on Wednesday morning to work it all out. The Principal even suggested that because I did such a good job on this, I should apply for the President of the Rate Payers Association this year….hmmmmm….maybe I will!

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Saturday, 24 June 2006

Take me out to the ballgame

My department had our second annual Softball Game and BBQ today.

We had a BLAST! We lost miserably, but had fun doing it!

It was hot and sunny and SO much fun. And, go figure, there was an ice cream truck there (and due to the heat, I LOVED him)!!!!!

Gotta get to bed. Tomorrow is the boys’ birthday party.

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Friday, 23 June 2006

Ice cream trucks

I love the ice cream truck as much as the next guy, but I have an issue with it, that has been burning since my first son was old enough to scream “Ice CWEAM!”

Why for the love of Pete, do they blast their tunes (which is a whole ‘nother issue in itself) and drive through the neighbourhood at 5:30-6:00 pm (dinner time) and 9:00-9:30 (just when my boys have settled into their beds for the night)?! It’s like TORTURE for goodness’ sake!

My neighbour, Mary, has had to resort to blatently lying to her 2 1/2 year old daughter, Jordanna. She tells her that when the music is playing, it means that the ice cream truck has run out of ice cream! Poor kid thinks that Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star means the world is out of ice cream.

C’mon ice cream truck guys! Have a heart! Come to the ‘hood at REASONABLE times!

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Thursday, 22 June 2006

I think I want to be a politician


I have been told by several people that I don’t realize my talents and abilities when it comes to this kind of thing.

I am thinking about it….seriously.

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Wednesday, 21 June 2006

Let the battle begin

Our home backs onto our childrens’ schoolyard. We did a little research before we bought here, namely:

1. This was one of four Catholic schools in our neighbourhood; and
2. The capacity for students at our school is, give or take, 900 students.

The school was built four years ago…our home was built three and a half years ago. When we arrived here, there were about 500 kids, give or take, in the school.

We got word a couple of weeks ago that there were two portables being put in the schoolyard.

This is the view we have right now:

This is the view we are about to get…mid-July:

Now, I refer you back to the first photo. On the right hand side of the photo, you will see a field of grass. The school is to the left. The field is unusable for 95% of the school year…in the winter, it is an ice rink (not an official ice rink used for skating, but the field is a sheet of snow and ice). The children are reprimanded for being on the field all winter. In the spring, the rain renders the field out-of-bounds because it is a mud pit. The grass is completely dead due to the poor drainage planning.

The photo I took is a bad one because I used my cell phone to take it, but the actual play area for the children is behind my house. It is a very small yard. There is about 20 feet of a grassy hill and then about 100 feet of ashphalt. The school council paid $1000.00 two years ago to paint lines on the schoolyard for the children to play (race track and four-square). The portables are going across the back of the school yard (ie: backing onto our backyard and two of our neighbours’ backyards) instead of in the unusable field.

Someone, ANYONE, please, please explain the logic. An empty, unused field vs. the back of peoples’ homes!!! WTF!?!? I am livid. Absolutely looney with anger. I understand that we need portables. I understand that when I bought a house backing onto a schoolyard, that I took this risk. But why in the name of GOOD SENSE would they place them behind me when there is a safer, more logical place to put them?!

Our School Board Trustee says it is the City’s decision. The City says it is the School Board’s decision.

Tomorrow, I am calling my City Counsellor, the school principal and the Fire Marshall…as are 6 of my neighbours. These are the people that the School Board Trustee tells me are responsible for this mess.

Let the battle begin……………

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Monday, 19 June 2006

Musical beds

2:14 am…Middleman wakes me from a deep sleep to advise me that he is coughing and can’t sleep. In my sleepy fog, I tell him to hop into our bed.

2:18 am…Boy Oneder wanders into my room, pissed off that Middleman is in my bed and Boy Oneder is not. I tell Boy Oneder that Middleman is coughing and that he didn’t want to wake Boy Oneder up. Boy Oneder stomps back into his room.

2:43 am…Boy Oneder comes back into my room and goes into my bathroom. I have no idea what he did in there, but he says he can’t sleep and that he is going to sit up in his bed.

2:44 am…Middleman is still wide awake and hasn’t coughed once since he arrived in my bed.

2:45 am…I take Middleman back to his bed to join Boy Oneder.

3:17 am…I am WIDE awake, worrying about everything from work to kids to health to world peace.

3:21 am…I have stomach ache like I’ve only had once before, when I had food poisoning.

3:27 am…Sitting on the toilet, feeling like I’m going to die.

3:49 am…Lying in bed, still wide awake and worrying.

4:17 am…On the verge of sleep…Hubster starts snoring.

4:46 am…The last time I looked at the clock.

7:48 am…up for the day.

Ugh…I’m tired………………………….. Pin It

Sunday, 18 June 2006

200 things I have and haven't done

Things that are bolded, I have done in my life…

1. Bought everyone in the bar a drink
2. Swam with wild dolphins
3. Climbed a mountain
4. Taken a Ferrari for a test drive
5. Been inside the Great Pyramid
6. Held a tarantula

7. Taken a candlelit bath with someone

8. Said ‘I love you’ and meant it
9. Hugged a tree
10. Done a striptease
11. Bungee jumped
12. Visited Paris
13. Watched a lightning storm at sea
14. Stayed up all night long and saw the sun rise

15. Seen the Northern Lights
16. Gone to a huge sports game
17. Walked the stairs to the top of the leaning Tower of Pisa
18. Grown and eaten your own vegetables
19. Touched an iceberg
20. Slept under the stars
21. Changed a baby’s diaper
22. Taken a trip in a hot air balloon
23. Watched a meteor shower
24. Gotten drunk on champagne
25. Given more than you can afford to charity
26. Looked up at the night sky through a telescope
27. Had an uncontrollable giggling fit at the worst possible moment
28. Had a food fight
29. Bet on a winning horse
30. Taken a sick day when you’re not ill
31. Asked out a stranger
32. Had a snowball fight
33. Photocopied your bottom on the office photocopier
34. Screamed as loudly as you possibly can
35. Held a lamb
36. Enacted a favorite fantasy
37. Taken a midnight skinny dip
38. Taken an ice cold bath
39. Had a meaningful conversation with a beggar
40. Seen a total eclipse
41. Ridden a roller coaster
42. Hit a home run
43. Fit three weeks miraculously into three days
44. Danced like a fool and not cared who was looking
45. Adopted an accent for an entire day
46. Visited the birthplace of your ancestors
47. Actually felt happy about your life, even for just a moment
48. Had two hard drives for your computer
49. Visited all 50 states
50. Loved your job for all accounts
51. Taken care of someone who was shit faced
52. Had enough money to be truly satisfied
53. Had amazing friends
54. Danced with a stranger in a foreign country
55. Watched wild whales
56. Stolen a sign
57. Backpacked in Europe
58. Taken a road-trip
59. Rock climbing
60. Lied to foreign government’s official in that country to avoid notice
61. Midnight walk on the beach
62. Sky diving
63. Visited Ireland
64. Been heartbroken longer then you were actually in love
65. In a restaurant, sat at a stranger’s table and had a meal with them
66. Visited Japan
67. Benchpressed your own weight
68. Milked a cow
69. Alphabetized your records
70. Pretended to be a superhero
71. Sung karaoke
72. Lounged around in bed all day
73. Posed nude in front of strangers
74. Scuba diving
75. Got it on to “Let’s Get It On” by Marvin Gaye
76. Kissed in the rain
77. Played in the mud
78. Played in the rain
79. Gone to a drive-in theater
80. Done something you should regret, but don’t regret it
81. Visited the Great Wall of China
82. Discovered that someone who’s not supposed to have known about your blog has discovered your blog.
83. Dropped Windows in favor of something better
84. Started a business
85. Fallen in love and not had your heart broken
86. Toured ancient sites
87. Taken a martial arts class
88. Sword fought for the honor of a woman/man
89. Played D&D for more than 6 hours straight
90. Gotten married
91. Been in a movie
92. Crashed a party
93. Loved someone you shouldn’t have
94. Kissed someone so passionately it made them dizzy
95. Gotten divorced
96. Had sex at the office
97. Gone without food for 5 days
98. Made cookies from scratch
99. Won first prize in a costume contest
100. Ridden a gondola in Venice
101. Gotten a tattoo
102. Found that the texture of some materials can turn you on
103. Rafted the Snake River
104. Been on television news programs as an “expert”
105. Got flowers for no reason
106. Masturbated in a public place
107. Got so drunk you don’t remember anything
108. Been addicted to some form of illegal drug
109. Performed on stage
110. Been to Las Vegas
111. Recorded music
112. Eaten shark
113. Had a one-night stand
114. Gone to Thailand
115. Seen Siouxsie live
116. Bought a house
117. Been in a combat zone
118. Buried one/both of your parents
119. Shaved or waxed your pubic hair off
120. Been on a cruise ship
121. Spoken more than one language fluently
122. Gotten into a fight while attempting to defend someone
123. Bounced a check
124. Performed in Rocky Horror.
125. Read - and understood - your credit report
126. Raised children.
127. Recently bought and played with a favorite childhood toy.
128. Followed your favorite band/singer on tour
129. Created and named your own constellation of stars
130. Taken an exotic bicycle tour in a foreign country
131. Found out something significant that your ancestors did
132. Called or written your Congress person
133. Picked up and moved to another city to just start over
134. …more than once? - More than thrice?
135. Walked the Golden Gate Bridge
136. Sang loudly in the car, and didn’t stop when you knew someone was looking
137. Had an abortion or your female partner did
138. Had plastic surgery
139. Survived an accident that you shouldn’t have survived.
140. Wrote articles for a large publication
141. Lost over 100 pounds
142. Held someone while they were having a flashback
143. Piloted an airplane
144. Petted a stingray
145. Broken someone’s heart
146. Helped an animal give birth
147. Been fired or laid off from a job
148. Won money on a T.V. game show
149. Broken a bone
150. Killed a human being
151. Gone on an African photo safari
152. Ridden a motorcycle
153. Driven any land vehicle at a speed of greater than 100 mph
154. Had a body part of yours below the neck pierced
155. Fired a rifle, shotgun, or pistol
156. Eaten mushrooms that were gathered in the wild
157. Ridden a horse
158. Had major surgery
159. Had sex on a moving train
160. Had a snake as a pet
161. Hiked to the bottom of the Grand Canyon
162. Slept through an entire flight: takeoff, flight, and landing
163. Slept for more than 30 hours over the course of 48 hours
164. Visited more foreign countries than U.S. states
165. Visited all 7 continents
166. Taken a canoe trip that lasted more than 2 days
167. Eaten kangaroo meat
168. Fallen in love at an ancient Mayan burial ground
169. Been a sperm or egg donor
170. Eaten sushi
171. Had your picture in the newspaper
172. Had 2 (or more) healthy romantic relationships for over a year in your lifetime
173. Changed someone’s mind about something you care deeply about
174. Gotten someone fired for their actions
175. Gone back to school
176. Parasailed
177. Changed your name
178. Petted a cockroach
179. Eaten fried green tomatoes.
180. Read The Iliad - and the Odyssey
181. Selected one “important” author who you missed in school, and read
182. Dined in a restaurant and stolen silverware, plates, cups because your apartment needed them
183. …and gotten 86′ed from the restaurant because you did it so many times, they figured out it was you
184. Taught yourself an art from scratch
185. Killed and prepared an animal for eating
186. Apologized to someone years after inflicting the hurt
187. Skipped all your school reunions
188. Communicated with someone without sharing a common spoken language
189. Been elected to public office
190. Written your own computer language
191. Thought to yourself that you’re living your dream
192. Had to put someone you love into hospice care
193. Built your own PC from parts
194. Sold your own artwork to someone who didn’t know you
195. Had a booth at a street fair
196: Dyed your hair
197: Been a DJ
198: Found out someone was going to dump you via the internet
199: Written your own role playing game
200: Been arrested.

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Happy Father's Day

This Father’s Day was the first since Hubster’s Dad died in 2002 that I haven’t felt overwhelmed with sadness all day.

2002 was obviously tough because it was the year we lost Hubster’s Dad.

2003 was hard too…it seems the year of firsts was not as tough as the year of seconds.

2004 was touch because that was the year my Dad and Grampy died.

2005 was again difficult because it was the year of seconds with my Dad.

This year, we are all still reeling from losing Joanne, but I really tried to make today ALL about Hubster. Getting caught up in the boys giving him gifts and spending the day as a family made it a little easier. We went golfing (9 holes) and then went out for lunch. We then visited my Dad’s grave and Hubster’s Dad’s grave. I felt a pang of sadness while we were at my Dad’s grave, but it was a fleeting pang. The plan of focusing on Hubster really did help.

But, Father’s Day will never, ever be the same again…ever. I will never have another Dad to celebrate this special day with. I miss him still today, just over two years after he left us, and I know I will miss him until the day I die and hopefully, meet him again.

Happy Father’s Day Dad. I love you…always.

“To her the name of father was another name for love.”
~~By Fanny Fern.~~ Pin It

Saturday, 17 June 2006

Supersonic, ultramatic, megapower

No, I’m not talking about a nuclear weapon of mass destruction. I am, in fact, speaking of the new water gun I bought the boys today.

Back in my day (yes, I am dating myself here), water guns were tiny little things that held about two tablespoons of water. Three squirts and you had to refill the darned thing.

These “machines” I just bought the boys have batteries and shoot up to TWELVE METRES! Twelve metres? WTF??? They hold about three cups of water, so are good for about five minutes of soaking power.

As I speak, they are out in the backyard BLASTING the crap out of each other…giggling and enjoying every single squirt.

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Friday, 16 June 2006

Wisdom shared

Franca and Eddie, the neighbours to our right, have a new baby. She is 5 months old and she is lovely. Hell, she’s a GIRL…that gives her a head start, right off the bat.

Tonight, Franca and I discussed the parenthood issue. If you are a parent, you *know* the issue…advice given, but 99.9% of the time, not solicited.

She told me she was so sick of people judging her parenting choices…everything from what and when she feeds Kathryn to how much she sleeps and where she sleeps.

I gave her the best advice I could…

Enjoy every single moment of her babyhood. Never wish a second of it away, even those hellish sleepless nights. Listen to EVERYONE’s advice, even your mother-in-law and take only what works for you. I told her to take each day as it comes and to do what is best for her, Eddie and Kathryn. Be gracious to those who offer advice (albeit unsolicited) and do what works. I am proud of my advice.

Wish someone would have given ME that advice 10 years ago…

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Thursday, 15 June 2006

Boy Oneder update

He came home from school feeling MUCH better…


Because the school came in last. LOL! Everyone lost. He was not the only “loser”. And so, another lesson learned: “Misery loves company.”

Ahhhhh…..parenthood. Pin It

Learning one of life's hardest lessons.

Losing. It sucks. It really, really sucks. Boy Onder learned this the hard way today. He was chosen as the grade 4 boys’ high jumper for the York Region Catholic School Board’s Track and Field meet today. Hubster and I took the day off to go and watch him jump high, waaaaay high, in all his glory. But alas, his first attempt was unsuccessful. We held hope, praying and crossing our fingers that he would do it on the second attempt, but it was not to be. He was the first to jump and the first to be eliminated. He was absolutely devastated.

It broke our hearts to see him so dejected. We gave him a couple of minutes to absorb it and then headed over to the stands to congratulate him on his attempts. As soon as he saw me, his eyes welled up with huge, sad tears…

“I made it over Mom…I know I did.”

“You were so close sweety. Don’t cry. You are here and all the other kids are back at school. You should be proud that you came so far.”

His eyes welled up even more.

“Boy Oneder…you need to stop crying. You did your best, right?”


“Then that’s all that matters. Now you can relax and cheer on the rest of the school in the other events. I’m very proud of you for getting this far.”

“Thanks Mom.” Tears still welled up in his eyes.

“I love you Boy Oneder.”

“I love you too Mom.”

We pulled ourselves away and left him with his friends. As we were walking away, I could hear his friend, Daniel, telling Boy Oneder that it was OK…winning wasn’t everything. But let’s face it…when you are nine years old, winning IS everything. Note: Daniel hadn’t completed his event yet .

It takes times like these to make children understand that not everyone can win all the time. It’s a lesson we all have to learn, but it is one of the hardest pills to swallow.

I have to pick him up from school in about twenty minutes. I wonder how he is feeling now.
a> Pin It

Wednesday, 14 June 2006

Whimsical Wednesday

If I had a million dollars, here is how I would spend it:

$100,000 on a new car - I’d have alot of research to do cuz there are many to choose from!
$100,000 on a new wardrobe. No holds barred…designer clothes and shoes galore!
$50,000 on a cruise for me and my family and close friends
$100,000 to charity
$250,000 into an education fund for the boys (assuming Boy Oneder won’t get a full golf scholarship! LOL!!!)
$100,000 to be distributed amongst family and close friends
$50,000 on miscellaneous “toys” - electronics, a new motorcycle for Hubster, etc.
$250,000 into an open GIC to collect interest, yet still be available for those little “necessities”!!!

How would YOU spend a million bucks? Pin It

Monday, 12 June 2006

Let's get Sirius

No, that’s not a spelling mistake…I got Sirius Satellite Radio tonight!!!!!

I have been in Howard Stern withdrawal since December, when Howie left the terrestrial radio airwaves forever. I asked Hubster for satellite radio for my birthday and he was *sort of* agreeable. Well, tonight, in exchange for a little “favour” for Hubster, I GOT SATELLITE!!!!

I am so excited! I’m going to hold up my end of the bargain at around 10:30 (wink, wink) and then at about 10:32, I will read my manual (snicker) OK, 10:38…

Oh Howard….I am BACK!!!!!!!!!!!! WOOT WOOT!!! Pin It

Sunday, 11 June 2006

Yamakas, Mitzvahs and Mazel Tovs, OH MY!

As previously blogged this morning, Hubster and I attended the wedding of Josh and Marianne today. It was our first Jewish wedding. I have attended a bris, a bat mitzvah and a bar mitzvah, but never a wedding, so I was really excited about seeing what the jewish wedding is all about.


Understand that Hubster is the biggest anti-social being alive. Not that he is nasty, he’s just shy. Not today though!

He was walking around the synagogue, wishing everyone and their brother “Mazel Tov!” including the caterers! He wore his yamaka proudly, albeit on the top, front of his head as opposed to the back of his head, where everyone else’s were, but he WORE it. When the traditional wedding dance began and people starting a chain around the room, Hubster jumps up, grabs me and gets right into it! He’s jumping around, singing and woot-wooting and just having a grand old time! I am laughing my ASS off at the whole thing, barely able to keep up with him and all the other partiers! It was just priceless!

My co-workers were pissing themselves with laughter and we all had a really good time!

Who knew, my Italian, Catholic husband would be the life of the party at a JEWISH function!!

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Mazel Tov Josh and Marianne!

Josh, one of my team members is getting married today. He is one of the most inspiring men I have ever met. He turned his life around from a very, very low point and has alot to be very proud of. He is a wonderful father to both his daughter and his new wife’s son. I could go on and on about him, but I have to get ready for the ceremony! ;o)

God bless you both Josh and Marianne. I pray that you will spend the rest of your lives together as happy as you are today.


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Saturday, 10 June 2006

Have I created the next Tiger Woods???

Could my Pampy’s golf genes have been strong enough to skip a generation and go directly to Boy Oneder’s veins?

He is truly amazing. I know that when it is your own child, every parent thinks that *their* child will be the next big star, but this is different. I have tried to keep my head straight about it and to critique him (in my mind) as harshly as I could. But he is good…he is really, really good. He has had three lessons so far. Phil, his instructor (who is very, very hot by the way), but I digress, told us at the second lesson that Boy Oneder had mastered the driver and the irons and that next week (today) would be chipping and putting. I think Phil thought he would be able to spend some time teaching him the other techniques today, but, surprising to all of us, Boy Oneder was a natural. He chipped his first ball right onto the green and into the HOLE! He just has a natural ability with golf.

So, Hubster and I are planning our star-studded future, living off the profits of our PGA Golf Champion son…just kidding of course. But I *do* have to admit…this kid’s got potential! Pin It

Friday, 9 June 2006

Motherly Advice

My mother was a fanatic about public restrooms. When I was a little girl, she’d take me into the stall, show me how to wad up toilet paper and wipe the seat. Then she’d carefully lay strips of toilet paper to cover the seat.

Finally, she’d instruct, “Never, NEVER sit on a public toilet seat. Then she’d demonstrate “The Stance,” which consisted of balancing over the toilet
in a sitting position without actually letting any of your flesh make contact with the toilet seat.

That was a long time ago. Now, in my “mature” years, “The Stance” is excruciatingly difficult to maintain.

When you have to visit a public bathroom, you usually find a line of women, so you smile politely and take your place. Once it’s your turn, you check for feet under the stall doors. Every stall is occupied. Finally, a door opens and you dash in, nearly knocking down the woman leaving the stall.

You get in to find the door won’t latch. It doesn’t matter.

The dispenser for the modern “seat covers” (invented by someone’s Mom, no doubt) is handy, but empty. You would hang your purse on the door hook, if there were one, but there isn’t - so you carefully but quickly drape it around your neck, (Mom would turn over in her grave if you put it on the FLOOR!), yank down your pants, and assume “The Stance.”

In this position your aging, toneless thigh muscles begin to shake. You’d love to sit down, but you certainly hadn’t taken time to wipe the seat or lay toilet paper on it, so you hold “The Stance.”

To take your mind off your trembling thighs, you reach for what you discover to be the empty toilet paper dispenser. In your mind, you can hear your mother’s voice saying, “Honey, if you had tried to clean the seat, you would have KNOWN there was no toilet paper!” Your thighs shake more.

You remember the tiny tissue that you blew your nose on yesterday - the one that’s still in your purse. That would have to do. You crumple it in the puffiest way possible. It is still smaller than your thumbnail.

Someone pushes open your stall door because the latch doesn’t work. The door hits your purse, which is hanging around your neck in front of your chest, and you and your purse topple backward against the tank of the toilet. “Occupied!” you scream, as you reach for the door, dropping your precious, tiny, crumpled tissue in a puddle on the floor, lose your footing altogether, and slide down directly onto the TOILET SEAT. It is wet of course.

You bolt up, knowing all too well that it’s too late. Your bare bottom has made contact with every imaginable germ and life form on the uncovered seat because YOU never laid down toilet paper - not that there was any, even if you had taken time to try.

You know that your mother would be utterly appalled if she knew, because, you’re certain, her bare bottom never touched a public toilet seat because, frankly, dear, “You just don’t KNOW what kind of diseases you could get.”

By this time, the automatic sensor on the back of the toilet is so confused that it flushes, propelling a stream of water like a firehose that somehow sucks everything down with such force that you grab onto the toilet paper dispenser for fear of being dragged in too. At that point, you give up.

You’re soaked by the spewing water and the wet toilet seat. You’re exhausted. You try to wipe with a gum wrapper you found in your pocket and then slink out inconspicuously to the sinks. You can’t figure out how to operate the faucets with the automatic sensors, so you wipe your hands with spit and a dry paper towel and walk past the line of women, still waiting. You are no longer able to smile politely them.

A kind soul at the very end of the line points out a piece of toilet paper trailing from your shoe. ( Where was that when you NEEDED it??) You yank the paper from your shoe, plunk it the woman’s hand and tell her warmly, “Here, you just might need this.”

As you exit, you spot your hubby, who has long since entered, used and left the men’s restroom. Annoyed, he asks, “What took you so long, and why is your purse hanging around your neck?”

This is dedicated to women everywhere who deal with a public restroom (rest??? you’ve got to be kidding!!). It finally explains to the men what really does take us so long. It also answers their other commonly asked question about why women go to the restroom in pairs. It’s so the other gal can hold the door, hang onto your purse and hand you Kleenex under the door.

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Thursday, 8 June 2006

Middleman is a tee-ball star!

He has such a good throw and his hits aren’t too shabby either! He really is enjoying it this year and I am looking forward to how much improvement we will see over the course of the summer.

His “girlfriend”, Madeline is on the team too. He is SO cute. When she gets up to bat, he is the only kid yelling, “GO MADELINE GO, GO MADELINE GO!” He will NEVER admit that he likes her. Ah….young love. LMAO! Pin It

Wednesday, 7 June 2006

Blog Withdrawal

OK Bloggers….BPSA (Blog Public Service Announcement) coming up:

With blogging comes great responsibility. You NEED to update your blogs. Yes Gail and Giuliana, I am specifically referring to YOU. When one begins a blog, others (read as ME) get addicted to reading said blogs. When others (read as YOU) do not update said blogs, other bloggers (read as me) go into withdrawal. Like tonight…I logged on, hoping to see some infinite wisdom, smart-alec posts or just plain JUICE for the love of Pete…but NOOOOO, I log on to old posts which I have read at LEAST ten times.

So please. If you are going to start a blog, you must maintain it. Love it, nourish it, feed and GROW it.

Come ON girls…get TO it.

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At work today, some of us were talking about old times. We discussed songs, tv shows and games. Do YOU remember any of these TV shows? Can you add some we’ve missed?:

Love Boat, Gilligan’s Island, Dynasty, Falcon Crest, Knot’s Landing, Commander Tom, Eight is Enough, Family Ties, Too Close for Comfort, Mr. Dress-Up, Tiny Talent Time, The Friendly Giant, Mighty Mouse, Rocket Robin Hood, Little House on the Prairie, All in the Family, Three’s Company, Facts of Life, The Flintstones, Brady Bunch, Captain Kangaroo, The Electric Company, Sesame Street, The Jetsons, The Waltons, The Land of Oz, Uncle Bobby, Fresh Prince of Belair, The Cosby Show, Alice….

Man oh man, I loved the tv shows of my childhood/teenage years. Come on…humour me…add your own in the comments!

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Tuesday, 6 June 2006

A day with someone special

Today, Middleman spent the day with someone special…his Daddy. The day began at school, where Hubster was treated to a continental breakfast (read as a bagel and juice) at 8:30. Then, the school bus took the class to Home Depot, where they built a tool box. At about 12:30, they arrived back at the school.

It is so nice that Hubster was able to do the whole school trip thing. I have been to quite a few field trips, both with Boy Oneder Middleman and I love it every time, but it means so much that Hubster got his turn.

Hubster said Middleman was so happy today. That just warms my heart! Pin It

Sunday, 4 June 2006

Sopranos...big disappointment

What a letdown.

Hubster and I have been waiting with baited breath ALL this season for a good episode…and we figured, there would be a HUGE cliffhanger tonight, considering that the final episodes EVER won’t be played until 2007. Well, there was NO excitement tonight, nor was there any excitement this season, save for the first one, where Tony was shot by Uncle Jun.

What a joke. A disappointing joke. Pin It

Happy 4th Birthday Danielley Belly!

Auntie Dawn loves you more than you can ever imagine. Have a happy day princess!

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Saturday, 3 June 2006

It's a BOY!

A BIG, STUBBORN BOY!! The litte bugger FINALLY had to be ripped from Kelly loins by way of caesarean section at about 7:30 this morning. You’ll see why a c-section was a VERY good idea soon…

I arrived at the hospital at 5:30pm yesterday. Kelly was on the list to be induced yesterday, but by the grace of God, she went into labour on her own at about 3:00 pm. When I arrived, she was hooked up to the baby monitor, Daddy at her side. She was contracting about 4 minutes apart, but she was easily able to talk through them. After about half an hour of fetal monitoring, a nurse comes in, tells her she is in very early labour and that she should go out and get something to eat and come bak around 8:00pm. So, we head out for a walk, over to Fran’s Bistro. We are waiting for our food when Kelly asks, “Is it possible that my water just broke?” We laughed and said yes and I went to the washroom with her, feminine product in hand.

We eat our food and then walk back to the hospital. Her contractions are very mild and very sporadic.

The doctor checks her, confirms she is 2-3 cms dilated and 100% effaced. The doctor also suspects meconium in the water.

They take her to her room and she gets admitted and has all her bloodwork done. Not long after, Kelly asks for the epidural. Then, the wait begins…and continues and continues and continues. At 11:30, they check her and she is 6 cms. They start oxytocin to get the contractions more consistent and stronger to try to bring the baby down. All through the night, we waited. The baby’s heartbeat dropped a few times and scared Kelly quite a bit. The nurse explained to her that it was the baby lying on the cord.

At 6:00 am, the doctor checks her again and confirms that the baby is not dropping. The decision is made to do a c-section. At around 7:30 am, Jenson or Jackson (they haven’t decided on the name yet) was brought into the world. He weighed ELEVEN POUNDS! Memories of Julie! LOL It turns out that a c-section was a very good thing!!

Everyone is doing well and when I spoke to Kelly at about 4:30 this afternoon, she said she was going to attempt breastfeeding tonight, as the baby was in NICU for the day due to low blood sugar (common with big babies) and because of the meconium in the water.

CONGRATULATIONS KELLY AND GLEN! Thank you so much for letting me be a part of one of the most amazing days of your lives!!!

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Friday, 2 June 2006

Doulanization stalled!

Kelly is STILL pregnant! The hospital hasn’t had a bed for her yet, so she is still waiting for a call when they are ready to induce her.

SIGH…*I* am anxious…I can’t even IMAGINE how Kelly must feel.

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Thursday, 1 June 2006

All hail the Princess

Since *I* am the Queen, Giuliana, is the Princess. Oh my, she is SUCH a princess. Her dog is a princess too. The funny thing about that statement is that her dog, Radar, is a male. She dresses him like a girl and the poor little thing TAKES it.


I want to tell you about Giuliana. She works with me and I was solely responsible for her being hired. OK, not SOLELY responsible, but I gave her two enthusiastic thumbs up after the interview. I knew she’d give me a run for my money…errrr…crown, but I knew I could handle her. She THINKS I didn’t like her from the beginning, but I swear I did. She and Chantelle were attached at the hip in the beginning, because they were both hired from the same company, at the same time. I had to use a little tough love and separate them so that they would mingle with the rest of the team. I think that’s why she thinks I didn’t like her. I hope after she reads this entry that she realizes how totally wrong she is about that.

Giuliana was hired as an Inside Sales Rep for my Eastern Team. She had a fire that I felt right from the first few questions in the interview and she had proved me right tenfold. She is now a field rep (which is a promotion from inside sales) and she consistently hits…ok BLOWS her numbers out of the water. We can count on Giuliana to hit plan every month. She is phenomenal at what she does…absolutely amazing.

But more importantly, Giuliana has been a friend. She is understanding and is one of the best listeners (once you get a word in edgewise) I’ve ever met. She and I are very much alike and I think that’s why we hit it off so well. She likes shoes a little TOO much, but hey, we all have faults, right? Jules lost her Mom in the last few years and when I lost my Dad, her experience made my grief so much easier to take. Giuliana, Rachel and Jacqui met me at Dave & Buster’s just a couple of days after Joanne’s death and for her support during those early days, I can never repay her. I don’t know what I would have done without her really. She called me every other day at first to check on me. She called when no one else did. She was there for me 100% and was genuine about wanting to be there.

Giuliana straightened my curly, curly hair at Sales Conference this year, which is a feat that only my hairdresser has ever mastered before. She and I were late for the cocktail party (in fact we only spent about 5 minutes there before dinner was ready) but she never once complained about it.

Giuliana…thank you for everything you do and everything you are. I wish you every ounce of happiness that I can muster. You ROCK and I wuv you tons!" Pin It
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