Thursday, 23 February 2006

Bad, bad day today

Today was a really tough day. I had a headache (from last night) that never went away, even after 2 advils every 4 hours.

I had a massage and cried silently through most of it.

I’m such a mess. I am feeling so stressed out. I am feeling the tingling in my face that I had when Hubster’s Dad died; and then when Dad died. It’s obviously stress.

I’m going to see the doctor tomorrow about taking an extended leave from work. I’m going to ask for a month. I need time alone and I never get to be alone with all the people I “care” for now.

Sigh….why can’t I just wake up from a bad nightmare? Pin It

Tuesday, 21 February 2006

Photos

It amazes me to think that there was once a time where photographs did not exist. I don’t know what I’d do without my photos. Memories are tied up in those photos and give me such joy to look at.

It makes me think of people who have lost everything in a fire. I cna’t imagine not having those memories.

Just a random thought.


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Sunday, 19 February 2006

Tomorrow would be Dad's 59th Birthday

His second birthday in Heaven.

I miss him lots. Wish he was here and not there.

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Thursday, 16 February 2006

I am so overwhelmed

Being my mom’s shoulder on top of everything else is so hard. She is so fragile. I want her to talk to me and lean on me, but man, she is bringing me down.

It’s hard enough to be a full-time working mom and wife. Now I feel like I have a third child. I wish there was something I could do for her, but all I can do is listen…and listening depresses me.

The black cloud about my head is getting thicker. I just want to run away….far, far away. I want to be alone. I just want this whole nightmare to end.

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Sunday, 12 February 2006

She speaks to me

For the past couple of nights, Joanne has “spoken” to me. I ask her for guidance and she gives it.

The first night, I asked her to help me by sending a sign…a shooting star. She said “Dawnie…you have to do this yourself. You have to have faith.”

Then, tonight, she gave me a verse to read in her bible when I asked her. She said Mark 2:14…”As he passed by, he saw Levi, the son of Alphaeus, sitting at the tax office, and he said to him, “Follow me.” And he arose and followed him. (WEB)”

And just now, she told me Luke 5:12-16…”[12] While Jesus was in one of the towns, a man came along who was covered with leprosy. When he saw Jesus, he fell with his face to the ground and begged him, “Lord, if you are willing, you can make me clean.”

[13] Jesus reached out his hand and touched the man. “I am willing,” he said. “Be clean!” And immediately the leprosy left him.

[14] Then Jesus ordered him, “Don’t tell anyone, but go, show yourself to the priest and offer the sacrifices that Moses commanded for your cleansing, as a testimony to them.”

[15] Yet the news about him spread all the more, so that crowds of people came to hear him and to be healed of their sicknesses. [16] But Jesus often withdrew to lonely places and prayed.”

I find it amazing that the bible is completely foreign to me and yet, these verses, so far, all exist.

Today, Mark gave me Joanne’s bible that she ordered a few days before she died. I plan to make full use of it in Joanne’s honour.

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Sunday, 5 February 2006

Keeping busy

Trying to pull together a bunch of stuff for a scrapbook I am making for Joanne. Researching her birthdate online, looking for poems, photos, etc.

Keeping busy makes time go faster.

I’m taking next week off to be with Mom. She needs me.

I am planning a spa day for the two of us…we need that.

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Saturday, 4 February 2006

Down, way, waaaaaaaaaay down

I am feeling like I am in the depths of depression.

Everything is gray.

So down….so so down.

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Thursday, 2 February 2006

Celebrating Joanne

A tribute to my sister…

www.friendsunite.net/joanne

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From the Brampton Guardian

As appeared in The Brampton Guardian 2006-02-01

Joanne ********* January 10, 1972 – January 28, 2006 Wife, Mother, Daughter, Granddaughter, Sister, Aunt, Coworker, Friend, Mentor She was taken from us so suddenly and she will be missed by everyone who knew her

She touched our lives in so many pleasant ways, and gave us all something to live for and always work towards

Let her passion for life, strong faith in God, love for her girls, devotion to her husband and family be a reminder to all of us of how to live life to its fullest, as she did each and every day

She found happiness in everything she did and inspired everyone she met

Let her spirit live on in all our hearts and let us cherish all our memories we shared with her

We pray for her and her family

Dental Office of Dr ***** ******* & Associates

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Wednesday, 1 February 2006

Photos of Joanne

She was lovely…just lovely.





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