Why are people so mean?
There is a boy down the street who comes here ALL the time and plays with both Frankie and Nicholas. Even though he is Frankie’s age, he gets along better with Nicholas and spends more time with him than Frankie. In fact, Frankie doesn’t like him much. He is pretty immature and Frankie is more MATURE than most 8 year olds, so when he comes here, Nicholas likes to play with him while Frankie does his own thing. I wonder whether his parents are aware of this after what happened today.
It’s the boy’s birthday party next Saturday. Frankie was invited to the party. This morning, Frankie called the boy to tell him he would be at the party. When he asked if Nicholas was invited, the boy asked him mom and came back to the phone to say no. Nicholas was devastated. It is Frankie and Nicholas’ party on Sunday and the boy was at the top of NICHOLAS’ list and not even ON Frankie’s list of guests.
After hanging up the phone, Frankie asked why the boy wouldn’t invite his “best friend”. Frankie perceives Nicholas as the boy’s best friend. I said that it was OK and that Nicholas has his other friends. Frankie said “If Nick’s not invited,I don’t want to go.”
I called his Mom back to say that Nicholas was quite upset and that with all due respect, Frankie would not attend without his brother. I explained that Nicholas spent more time with the boy when he was here than Frankie did and that I felt it was not fair to send one without the other. She said I was just not being “nice” by not letting Frankie go and that she had a dilemma and thought about it when wrting the invitations as to whether to invite Nicholas. She advised that she wanted to keep it small and that there were only 4 kids.
I told her we would give a gift, that there were no hard feelings, that I completely understood, but that they would not attend. She then said that it was mean of me nt to let Frankie go. So then I said, I’ll take Nicholas to the bowling alley (where she is having the party) and we will bowl together while the party was going on. She then told me that I was being ridiculous and that if this was the way it had to be, Nicholas is MORE than welcome to come…”we’d be HAPPY to have him.” So, 5 minutes later, she had talked me in to saying that it was OK for both boys to go.
Half an hour later, I get a call from Greg, the kid’s father, to say that he has spoken to his wife and that they are extremely upset that I have put them in this position and that they feel that the best solution is to have none of the children attend either bitrhday party.
I said that I was sorry it came to this and that I hope he understood my predicament and before I could even say “understood” he cut me off and said “No we DON’T understand and we don’t appreciate being told who we have to invite to our party.”
Sigh… Guess my dilemma has ended and I guess so has my relationship with these people. How sad.
I can’t even FATHOM the thought of inviting one child without the other in this circumstance. Frankie has been invited to MANY birthday parties without Nicholas by kids at school, but the boy is different…he is more Nick’s friend than Frankie’s.
I am so torn up about this whole thing. It’s eating me up. Sometimes, I guess the nice guy DOES finish last. The boy idolizes Frankie (his Mom has told me this in the past). Frankie could care less about this kid, but I tell Frankie to be polite and to spend time with him when he is here. 90% of the time when the boy is here, Frankie’s off doing his own thing. I can’t help but wonder if this is the boy’s Mom’s way of getting the boy “in” with Frankie. I guess she doesn’t realize how close Frankie is to his brother. Frankie decided he didn’t want to go if Nicholas couldn’t go.
I think the best thing to do is for me to deliver a gift and leave it on the boy’s doorstep. I will include a note to his parents, apologizing for any hurt I’ve caused and hope that we can get over this as adults so that our children can continue their relationship.