Friday, 22 July 2005

My Dad

Born February 20, 1947. Died May 20, 2004. 57 years old. Cause of death: Acute Lymphatic Leukemia.

To you, he is merely a name. To me, he is a hero, my inspiration, my mentor, the reason I am even on this earth, my Daddy.

No one who has not lost their Dad can truly comprehend this feeling. You see, Dads are SUPPOSED to die before their kids…it’s part of the circle of life. BUT…my Dad died too young. He had so much more to do, so much more to see. He has five grandchildren who loved him dearly. Boy Oneder and Middleman needed him to help mould them into good men. I needed him to give me advice as they grow. I needed him to answer the questions that only Dad seemed to know the answer to.

However many hugs and kisses as I gave him, it will NEVER be enough. I want just one more hug. I want to hear him call me “Princess” or “Ba-ba” just one more time. I want to smell his cologne and hold his hand again. I want to debate the union or the government or war with him again. I want to hear him laugh out loud at Seinfeld or Everybody Loves Raymond again. I want to be so angry at him and make up with him again. I want him back.

The physical pain that I feel can’t really be described…it is an ache in my heart…a physical hurt that only crying relieves. It’s a pain I’ve never endured before he died. A hole that is still gaping and will never, ever be closed.

I want to dream about him, so I can see him again. In my dreams, he will be alive and I’ll reach out and touch him…I may actually hear him call me “Princess” or “Ba-ba” just one more time. I may smell his cologne and hold his hand again. I may debate the union or the government or war with him again. Maybe we’ll laugh out loud at Seinfeld or Everybody Loves Raymond together. Maybe we’ll have an argument and I’ll be so angry at him and then make up with him again.

But my dreams are about stupid things like irons, co-workers and airplanes. Nothing to remind me of him.

I wish you could have known him. Maybe then you’d have just a bit of understanding as to the loss and pain. The world lost a good man on May 20th, 2004. The world will never know what my Dad could have done. I know whatever he could have done would have been wonderful…I guess you’ll just have to trust me on that one. Pin It

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