Friday, 29 July 2005

Packing sucks!

We’re going on vacation tomorrow morning to a cottage at Wasaga Beach. I HATE PACKING! I have enough stuff packed for a frickin’ army. We need everything, but man do we have anlot of crapola!!!!

I’m going to bed now and won’t be updating here till NEXT Sunday.

Ciao for now!!!!

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Thursday, 28 July 2005

Golf again!

Another nine holes tonight with the peeps from work. We have such fun and they are such a great bunch of people. The beer and golf carts are fun too!

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Wednesday, 27 July 2005

Grandma's boys

They did it! They slept over. OK…they slept in Grandma’s double bed with her, and SHE didn’t sleep very well, but they stayed there! WOOHOO!!!

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Tuesday, 26 July 2005

Kidless!!

The boys are sleeping at my Mom’s tonight…WHOOOOOPPPEEEEE!!!! OK, so it’s 10:08 pm and I *JUST* sat down, but I am kidless!

I’m hoping it goes well so that we can take advantage of the situation on a weekend!!

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Sunday, 24 July 2005

Hung over and feeling the pain

We had a barbeque at my manager’s house last night, after a game of baseball with all of our employees and their families.

We had such a good time. I work with such good people. We are all like a big 34 person family! We came home at midnight, and I had had a few too many…I wasn’t fall down or throw up drunk, just tipsy.

Wellllllll…I suffered for it today. I am so exhausted, my head hurts and my eyes burn.

Never again, never again, never again….YA RIGHT!!!

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Friday, 22 July 2005

My Dad

Born February 20, 1947. Died May 20, 2004. 57 years old. Cause of death: Acute Lymphatic Leukemia.

To you, he is merely a name. To me, he is a hero, my inspiration, my mentor, the reason I am even on this earth, my Daddy.

No one who has not lost their Dad can truly comprehend this feeling. You see, Dads are SUPPOSED to die before their kids…it’s part of the circle of life. BUT…my Dad died too young. He had so much more to do, so much more to see. He has five grandchildren who loved him dearly. Boy Oneder and Middleman needed him to help mould them into good men. I needed him to give me advice as they grow. I needed him to answer the questions that only Dad seemed to know the answer to.

However many hugs and kisses as I gave him, it will NEVER be enough. I want just one more hug. I want to hear him call me “Princess” or “Ba-ba” just one more time. I want to smell his cologne and hold his hand again. I want to debate the union or the government or war with him again. I want to hear him laugh out loud at Seinfeld or Everybody Loves Raymond again. I want to be so angry at him and make up with him again. I want him back.

The physical pain that I feel can’t really be described…it is an ache in my heart…a physical hurt that only crying relieves. It’s a pain I’ve never endured before he died. A hole that is still gaping and will never, ever be closed.

I want to dream about him, so I can see him again. In my dreams, he will be alive and I’ll reach out and touch him…I may actually hear him call me “Princess” or “Ba-ba” just one more time. I may smell his cologne and hold his hand again. I may debate the union or the government or war with him again. Maybe we’ll laugh out loud at Seinfeld or Everybody Loves Raymond together. Maybe we’ll have an argument and I’ll be so angry at him and then make up with him again.

But my dreams are about stupid things like irons, co-workers and airplanes. Nothing to remind me of him.

I wish you could have known him. Maybe then you’d have just a bit of understanding as to the loss and pain. The world lost a good man on May 20th, 2004. The world will never know what my Dad could have done. I know whatever he could have done would have been wonderful…I guess you’ll just have to trust me on that one. Pin It

Thursday, 21 July 2005

Jordanna

How CUTE is Jordanna? She is the neighbour girl (two doors to the right) and she is 18 months old. This little girl is so adorable, she is almost edible. She adores me too!! She calls me “Dow”. Hubster is “Oh”, Middleman is “Ni” and Boy Oneder is “Aah”. She gets so excited when she sees me coming and is just the cutest thing EVER.

She’s the girl I never had! The best part is that at diaper change or temper time, I simply hand her back to her Mommy….ahhhh the joys of neighbour-parenting! LOL! Pin It

Termination

We had to terminate one of my employees yesterday. She had a bad attitude, bad work ethics and made no attempt to improve after numerous warnings.

Although I know she had to go, I can’t stop thinking about her.


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Wednesday, 20 July 2005

I truly have wonderful children

My boys are so good. I mean, once in a while they drive me nuts, but I can count on one hand how many times they have had a tantrum.

Let me tell you about them…

Boy Oneder: He is my sensitive little schmoop. He is inquisitive, curious and so intelligent. He is compassionate and caring, very popular and a loving, affectionate boy. He is nine years old, but he is so much more mature than the typical nine year old. He loves to help Hubster with jobs around the house and will spend HOURS building and fixing with Dad. He was Mamma’s boy until about a year ago and now, as much as he loves me, he is Daddy’s boy. I am so blessed to have such a wonderful, perfect boy.

Middleman: Middleman is my loving little firecracker. He is the most imaginative child I’ve ever met and will play with almost anything. He HAS to play with my hair to fall asleep and he truly believes that band-aids fix EVERYTHING. He is a real introvert and would prefer staying home to ANY outdoor activity. He loves Gamecube, Gameboy and MY laptop! LOL!! He is still Mamma’s boy, and prefers to help Dad for 5 minutes before coming back to his couch!! He is a sweet little guy with a heart of gold. Thank God for my little Middleman. Pin It

Tuesday, 19 July 2005

We all made it out alive!

So I was nominated by my manager to be the fire warden for our floor here at the office.

Today, we had a fire drill and it was my responsibility to “sweep the floor” after everyone left to ensure that no one was left in the building. Then, I had to meet with all of the people from my area outside and confirm that everyone “made it out alive”. LMAO! Well, I am pleased to report that everyone was present, accounted for and uninjured! LOL!

Now, if everything goes that smoothly in the case of a REAL fire, I’ll be a very happy fire warden!!

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Monday, 18 July 2005

Another pic...

Max and Rosie….the most amazing doggies in the world….how cute are they??!!!



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Sunday, 17 July 2005

A weekend that actually FELT like a weekend!

This weekend seemed to last forever! It’s been a long time since I’ve felt that way!

Friday night, we went down to a Greek restaurant on the Danforth with Kathy and Bruno…we rode the motorcycle!!! O!! I’m not a big fan of Greek food, but the company (and the ride) was nice.

Saturday morning, we went to the karate picnic, where Boy Oneder was presented with his VIOLET belt!! WOOHOO! Only three more belts to Black!!! The kids had a BLAST, playing with their water guns and ended up completely soaked!!

Today, we did some tv window shopping and then had a nice English roast dinner. Tonight, we went to Mom’s to help her hang some pictures and now, I am about to go to bed.

The weather kinda sucked all weekend, but it was a nice weekend anyway!

One major concern is Middleman….he was peeing every 10 minutes on Friday, so we took him to the walk-in clinic. The doctor checked his urine and then checked his penis…the foreskin is EXTREMELY tight and needs to be stretched. He prescribed an antibiotic/steroidal cream, but I am very concerned that he will end up having a circumcision. We are making an appointment to see our family doctor tomorrow, so I’m praying he’ll tell us otherwise. Pin It

My little computer programmers



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Thursday, 14 July 2005

Sports parents

Vent time…

Boy Oneder's baseball coach is a KNOB. OK…I give him credit because he is volunteering his time to coach the team, but he is an idiot! There are two coaches actually and one is as stupid as the other. They both have sons on the team…both boys are the most spolied, obnoxious brats I’ve ever met. They swear at the coaches, the umpire and the other kids. One of these boys refuses to play outfield and cries if he is told her has to, so the coaches give in and put another kid in the outfield. The kid is 9 years old!!!

Last night, our coach nearly had a fist fight with the other coach over a stupid rule…great role modelling for the kids!

I am so frustrated. Boy Oneder is not enjoying himself this year and I have to insist that he go to the games. We won’t be playing again next year. How sad is that? Pin It

Sunday, 10 July 2005

18 holes of golf make Dawn a tired Mommy!

WOW! I had no idea how difficult it is to finish a full 18 holes of golf! We took the kids to Cardinal Golf Club in Aurora today and I am WIPED! Our tee time was 2:51 this afternoon and we didn’t finish until after 7:00. The kids were raring to go and could have done another 9 holes, but Hubster and I were just DONE.

It was tons of fun though..we played “best ball”, mostly using Boy Oneder;s ball! LOL

I got home and checked my ebay auction and my cell phone sold!!! $123.82!!!! YIPPPPEEEEEEE!

OK….going to bed now!

Nighty-nite! Pin It

Saturday, 9 July 2005

My name is Dawn and I am an Ebay-aholic!

I’m officially addicted…

Maybe I’ll get rich too! LOL


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Friday, 8 July 2005

White, gold, orange, red, green, VIOLET!!

Boy Oneder is a violet belt!!! He tested tonight and PASSED! He was very nervous (I don’t know if he was as nervous as *I* was) (LOL) but he was all sweaty and red and shaky (poor little man). I was so very, very proud of him! He is now only two belts away from BLACK BELT!!!!

He is very, very proud of himself and very relieved that it is over as well! The belt ceremony will be at the annual picnic next Saturday.

Way to go Big Boy!!! Pin It

Thursday, 7 July 2005

Sick bastards

I don’t get it. The terror attack on innocent Londoners. I just don’t get it. These poor, poor souls, just going to work to feed their families….just like 9/11. So, so sad, scary and maddening.

And they do this in the name of their God?? WTF???? What kind of God is THAT???? He must be red with horns….

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Tuesday, 5 July 2005

She speaks

This is a transcript from the interview that Karla Homolka did last night. I copied it from www.pulse24.com . She makes me SICK to my stomach…..

The following is a translation of an interview Karla Homolka gave Monday to Radio-Canada reporter Joyce Napier:

Napier: So, Karla Homolka and Sylvie Bordelais (Homolka’s lawyer) it’s been about two hours since you’ve been out of jail. This is the first phase of this beginning. Ms. Bordelais, why have you chosen to come here?

Bordelais: Because it was important to sensitize people to the fact that my client has two choices. Either she lives like a trapped animal, and we don’t know what could happen, or she takes the time to come here and meet people and give them her point of view and perhaps to explain a little who she is and what she wants to do.So, we chose this second option and to come to what we consider a serious media outlet and that’s why we’re here this afternoon, so she can take the time to speak to you and to present herself to the people as well.We’ve heard a lot about her from all kinds of people who said they knew her and have all kinds of different reasons to talk about her, whereas now she’s here and she can talk for herself and explain what her goals are and what’s it’s been like for her.

Napier: You told me there are people you want to thank because they helped you.

Bordelais: That’s true and my client will tell you more about that, but speaking for me personally, I have received many e-mails, letters and phone calls from people who wanted to offer her a place to live: they’ve offered apartments, people offered jobs and money to my client and I have not had a chance to thank them personally.There are people from across Canada and even farther away, and I have to take this opportunity to thank each and every one of them. Because, there have been times when there were just the two of us, before other lawyers became involved, we were alone and often we’d receive a letter or a phone call and people would say, `What you are hearing in the media does not reflect what everyone thinks.’But I also need to mention that there are people who are ready to open their homes and to offer support to allow for a successful social rehabilitation.

Napier: Karla Homolka, you’ve been in jail for 12 years for crimes that have received a lot of media attention across the whole country. And with the whole media frenzy that has occurred over the last few days, what was it like to leave jail?

Homolka: I think I don’t fully realize that I am out yet. I’m nervous, anxious. It’s hard to describe.

Napier: But how did you get out? Was it a car? Did you have to hide? How did you get out? Were you followed? How did it happen?

Homolka: We were hidden. Ms. Bordelais had a plan and we followed it and we were not followed and we came here without any problems.

Napier: And you stayed hidden in the car until you arrived here?

Homolka: Yes, yes.

Napier: Where were you hidden?

Homolka: In the back of, I don’t know what you call it, in the back of the car.

Napier: So, you know the media were really waiting for you outside the prison. They were even camped outside the detention centre at Ste-Anne-des-Plaines. Do you understand why people are so interested in you?

Homolka: Yes, and no. Yes, because I’ve done terrible things, that’s for sure. And I am a woman and it’s very rare for a woman to do the kinds of things I have done. And no because there are a lot of people who get out of jail every day who have also done terrible things. But I think I understand more than I don’t understand.

Napier: It’s been 12 years. We heard you under cross-examination, we heard you through affidavits and through the voice of your lawyers, but never from you directly. How come you decided today, two hours after being freed, to finally speak to us in the media and through us, to the public?

Homolka: It was a very difficult decision to take because I am a very private person and I don’t like to talk about my feelings. I want to keep things to myself but it is not possible. So I decided, with my lawyer, that this was the best thing to do because I don’t want to be hounded and I don’t want people to think that I am a dangerous person who’s going to do something to their children. I think it’s time I talk.

Napier: When you decided to speak, you chose to speak in French. Why in French?

Homolka: Usually I don’t watch the news or read the newspapers, but each time I watched the news in French and especially Radio-Canada they were not as sensational. They don’t shout, it’s serious and I want to re-start my life in French.

Napier: You’ve chosen Quebec because you think we judge you with more clemency here?

Homolka: It’s certain that the mood in Quebec is not like the mood in Ontario. But I have a support network here that is very important.

Napier: Is it also because in English Canada, the Karla Homolka-Paul Bernardo affair was covered on a daily basis and all of the details were made public? It was very spectacular at the time, especially in the English media. In Quebec we were not as familiar with the details, horrible details, of your case before the courts. Isn’t that partly why you chose to live here in Quebec where you are not as well known as you are in Ontario?

Homolka: Not really because everybody is starting to talk about the details. And if anyone wants to know the details, it’s very easy to find them out. Yes, it’s true that I am less well known here and that is an advantage for me. I think I can re-make my life.

Napier: It’s easier to live here. Do you think it’s possible for Karla Homolka to re-make her life even in Quebec, to start over or continue a life anonymously, peacefully, quietly after all this media coverage and what you’ve done?

Homolka: I hope.

Napier: You think it is still possible?Homolka: Well, everything is possible in life.

Napier: And that is what you are wishing for?

Homolka: Yes, yes.

Napier: And you honestly believe that starting, maybe not tomorrow, but after a certain amount of time, that things will calm down? And that other events will take over and people will forget you? In your head, is that the ideal scenario?

Homolka: Yes, for sure that’s the ideal scenario but I don’t think everybody will forget me. I can hope.

Napier: And now you’re out. It’s been a few hours. Karla Homolka is free now. Do you think you’ve paid your debt to society?

Homolka: That’s a difficult question. Legally yes. Emotionally and socially no. No.

Napier: What do you have to do to pay your debt emotionally and socially towards a society that is still obviously judging you?

Homolka: I think socially I have to do as much as possible to help people. But emotionally I am constantly living with what I have done and that will never end.

Napier: When you say helping people, how would you hope to help people?

Homolka: I don’t know for sure, but I know that in jail I did things. I was a member of a team of peer counsellors. It was a group of women who are trained to help other inmates. I did many things like that in jail and I want to continue outside. I can’t do the same things and I don’t know exactly how I am going to do it.

Napier: If you’re coming to see us today, it’s because you want to tell people that you are no longer a threat to society and that is one of the things people are afraid about and you know it. So, the question is, who are you? If you are not the person you were, are you that person, an exemplary inmate or a criminal?

Homolka: I was an exemplary detainee. There is no doubt about that. I did all my programs. I even did those that weren’t part of my rehabilitation program. I did volunteer work. I went to school. I helped other women. I never received an internal report. I did all kinds of things. I went to school. I got my BA. I improved my French.

Napier: You said a few minutes ago that you will always have to live with what you did. Do you feel any remorse?

Homolka: Yes.

Napier: How does it manifest itself, that remorse?

Homolka: I cry often. I can’t forgive myself. I think about what I did and often I think I don’t deserve to be happy because of what I did.

Napier: How do you judge now what you did? When you think about it, how do you judge yourself?

Homolka: What I did was terrible and I was in a situation where I was unable to see clearly, where I was unable to ask for help. Where I was completely overwhelmed in my life and I regret it enormously because now I know I had the power to stop all of that. But when I was living through it, I thought I had no power.

Napier: To stop even what you did? You didn’t have the power to stop yourself?

Homolka: Well I didn’t initiate the crimes. I followed. Yes, I did what I did but ….

Napier: You figure you’re not a danger today?

Homolka: Not at all. Not at all.

Napier: You’re not likely to “follow” again, as you say?

Homolka: No.

Napier: And what makes you say that today you would not follow, like you did in the past?

Homolka: Well, first of all I am an adult. Back then I was 17 years old. I didn’t know much. I was afraid of being abandoned. I absolutely wanted to have a relationship. I did not have self-confidence. There are a lot of things about myself that I didn’t know then that I know now.

Napier: You had a relationship in prison with someone who killed his wife. Have you continued this relationship with Jean-Paul Gerbet?

Homolka: I am not prepared to talk about people I knew in prison.

Napier: Why? Is there a particular reason you don’t want to talk about it?

Homolka: Yes, because I have lived through the whole media circus and I don’t want the friends I had in jail to be subjected to that. I am not here to talk, but …

Napier: Are you still communicating with him in any way?

Homolka: I have already answered that question.

Napier: Do you consider that today you are rehabilitated?

Homolka: Yes.

Napier: Today, you are coming out of prison, you say you don’t read the newspapers. But in the newspapers, there is this analysis of the agreement you had with the Crown. I’m sure that even if you haven’t read newspapers you’ve heard of this, about this agreement with the Crown that your ex-husband’s lawyer has called the “Deal with the Devil” that was even the title of a book that was written afterwards.You had reduced charges in the murders of Kristen French and Leslie Mahaffy. Twelve years reduced sentence. And finally your role was as big as Paul Bernardo’s. We talked about you as the woman who had the battered wife syndrome, and that you were under his influence. When you think about it today, do you still see yourself as having been a victim back then?

Homolka: First of all, everybody who says I had a role equal to him do not know the case. That’s the first thing. And secondly, yes, I was under his influence.

Napier: Before moving onto your new life, because there is a future, you received threats. Do I understand correctly that you’ve received death threats? What kind of death threats, and did you receive them directly, and if so in what way?

Homolka: Well, because I spent the last month and a half by myself in a men’s prison, I have not received any threats. My mail was intercepted, read, all that. The threats I received in Joliette were by telephone, and they were directed to the guards because people cannot call us directly in prison. I was told the two people who called said I was going to die.In the past, often the threats I received were from inmates, who told me that they would kill me.

Napier: This was in Joliette?

Homolka: No, it was in Kingston and in Saskatchewan when I was there. I spent four years in Kingston in isolation because of the threats. Also, when I was transferred to Saskatchewan, I was in isolation for the same reasons. My parents also received death threats about me.Napier: Your parents have moved, they still live in same place?Homolka: No, they haven’t moved.

Napier: Do you have a relationship with your family?

Homolka: Yes.

Napier: Good relationships?

Homolka: Yes.

Napier: With your father, your mother, and you have one sister?

Homolka: Yes.

Napier: Will you see them soon? They are here, your family is here?

Homolka: Yes. My mother is here.

Napier: Have you maintained a good relationship with your mother in these 12 years? Your mother came to visit you?

Homolka: My whole family has visited me.

Napier: Your relationships with family are difficult?

Homolka: In what way?

Napier: In the sense of what happened with your sister. You had a little sister.

Homolka: Yes.

Napier: You took part with Paul Bernardo in the death of your little sister and in the rape of your little sister. Hence my question as to whether your relationship with your family is difficult.

Homolka: No, my family loves me, and my family has also lived with my ex-husband and my mother had no idea what happened in my relationship with him. My parents’ friends had no idea. Everybody thought he was No. 1. My family has never rejected me for what I did. My mother only said that she hates what I did, but she loves me and we have a very beautiful relationship. I am very lucky.

Napier: And with your father too?

Homolka: Yes, the same thing.

Napier: Well, where will you settle down?

Homolka: I’m not answering this question.

Napier: Is it in Quebec?

Homolka: It’s in the province of Quebec

.Napier: And why don’t you want to answer this question? Are you afraid?

Homolka: Would you give your address on television?

Napier: I’m not asking you for your address. I’m asking you where you’re going to settle down.

Homolka: No, no, I don’t want to.

Napier: Are you going to work?

Homolka: Yes, I’d like to.

Napier: What kind of work would you like to do?

Homolka: I’m ready to do anything, except the only things important to me are first, that it be legal. Second, that it is moral. And third, that it doesn’t go against my conditions.

Napier: And what kind of support or help are you going to have? Because it’s been 12 years that you’ve been inside prison. Are you going to need help or support? And if so, where will you find it?

Homolka: I already have people in my life who are giving me all kinds of help. I also see a psychologist.

Napier: Are you afraid of this new life that awaits you?

Homolka: Yes, yes.

Napier: And what will be the first thing that you’d like to do?

Homolka: This is stupid. I’d like to have an iced cappuccino. An iced cappuccino from Tim Hortons, that’s what I’d like to do.

Napier: So, you are today, Karla Homolka, a free woman, a truly free woman?

Homolka: No, no. I think I will never be truly free. Because there are different kinds of prisons. There are concrete prisons, and there are internal prisons. And I think I will always be in an internal prison.

Napier: Why?

Homolka: Because of what I did. I would like to go back in time and re-do things, but I can’t.

Napier: So it’s something you’ll never forget?

Homolka: Never, never. I think about it all the time. At every anniversary, every Christmas, all the time.Napier: And with the years it hasn’t faded?

Homolka: I thought that it would happen, but I realize that it’s not true. It just gets harder.

Napier: Thank you.

Homolka: You’re welcome.

Courtesy: Radio-Canada
July 5, 2005


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Monday, 4 July 2005

She's free...

Karla Homolka is free. That sentence in itself speaks to what our society has become. A woman who has raped and killed innocent girls, including her own sister. Twelve years in jail … if you call what she stayed in “jail”. With the Minnie Mouse pictures on her pink walls, I’d HARDLY call her bedroom a “cell”. And now, she is free. Kristen French and Leslie Mahaffy have been dead over twelve years, but Karla has a fresh start. UNBELIEVABLE.

I do hold some hope though…her life will be HELL. She is asking for protection from the public because she knows she is an abhoration. She knows that people wish her dead…it’s only a matter of time before some other criminal kills her. I feel so bad for the French and Mahaffy families.

Just look at any photo of Karla Homolka. They say that the eyes are the window to the soul…look at this picture and tell me she even HAS a soul…..

http://www.herald.ns.ca/2003/03/05/midthumbs/1042.jpg

The world is a very messed up place….I hope I can keep my family’s little part of the world sane.

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Sunday, 3 July 2005

What a day!

We spent the day at Canada’s Wonderland with our neighbours, Jack and Mary and their dolly of a daughter, 18 month old Jordanna, as well as our bestest friends, Kathy and Bruno and their daughters, Katrina and Alysha. We spent the whole time at Splashworks, the water park and had a hoot on all the water slides!

At about 4:00, we went back to Kathy and Bruno’s house for a barbeque. We just got home now (9:30) …considering that I only slept FOUR hours last night (couldn’t sleep and FINALLY lost the battle at 4:15 am) and considering I spent the entire day in the sun, I am absolutely exhausted. Off to bed I go! UGH…gotta get up for work tomorrow…BLECH!

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Burning the midnight oil

It’s nearly 1:00 am and I am W~I~D~E awake….

I slept in until 10:45 this morning and now I am paying the price….UGH.


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