Thursday, 30 June 2005

Mean people

Why are people so mean?

There is a boy down the street who comes here ALL the time and plays with both Boy Oneder and Middleman. Even though he is Boy Oneder’s age, he gets along better with Middleman and spends more time with him than Boy Oneder. In fact, Boy Oneder doesn’t like him much. He is pretty immature and Boy Oneder is more MATURE than most 8 year olds, so when he comes here, Middleman likes to play with him while Boy Oneder does his own thing. I wonder whether his parents are aware of this after what happened today.

It’s the boy’s birthday party next Saturday. Boy Oneder was invited to the party. This morning, Boy Oneder called the boy to tell him he would be at the party. When he asked if Middleman was invited, the boy asked him mom and came back to the phone to say no. Middleman was devastated. It is Boy Oneder and Middleman's party on Sunday and the boy was at the top of MIDDLEMAN'S list and not even ON Boy Oneder’s list of guests.

After hanging up the phone, Boy Oneder asked why the boy wouldn’t invite his “best friend”. Boy Oneder perceives Middleman as the boy’s best friend. I said that it was OK and that Middleman has his other friends. Boy Oneder said “If Middleman's not invited,I don’t want to go.”

I called his Mom back to say that Middleman was quite upset and that with all due respect, Boy Oneder would not attend without his brother. I explained that Middleman spent more time with the boy when he was here than Boy Oneder did and that I felt it was not fair to send one without the other. She said I was just not being “nice” by not letting Boy Oneder go and that she had a dilemma and thought about it when wrting the invitations as to whether to invite Middleman. She advised that she wanted to keep it small and that there were only 4 kids.

I told her we would give a gift, that there were no hard feelings, that I completely understood, but that they would not attend. She then said that it was mean of me nt to let Boy Oneder go. So then I said, I’ll take Middleman to the bowling alley (where she is having the party) and we will bowl together while the party was going on. She then told me that I was being ridiculous and that if this was the way it had to be, Middleman is MORE than welcome to come…”we’d be HAPPY to have him.” So, 5 minutes later, she had talked me in to saying that it was OK for both boys to go.
Half an hour later, I get a call from the kid’s father, to say that he has spoken to his wife and that they are extremely upset that I have put them in this position and that they feel that the best solution is to have none of the children attend either bitrhday party.

I said that I was sorry it came to this and that I hope he understood my predicament and before I could even say “understood” he cut me off and said “No we DON’T understand and we don’t appreciate being told who we have to invite to our party.”
Sigh… Guess my dilemma has ended and I guess so has my relationship with these people. How sad.

I can’t even FATHOM the thought of inviting one child without the other in this circumstance. Boy Oneder has been invited to MANY birthday parties without Middleman by kids at school, but the boy is different…he is more Middleman’s friend than Boy Oneder’s.

I am so torn up about this whole thing. It’s eating me up. Sometimes, I guess the nice guy DOES finish last. The boy idolizes Boy Oneder (his Mom has told me this in the past). Boy Oneder could care less about this kid, but I tell Boy Oneder to be polite and to spend time with him when he is here. 90% of the time when the boy is here, Boy Oneder’s off doing his own thing. I can’t help but wonder if this is the boy’s Mom’s way of getting the boy “in” with Boy Oneder. I guess she doesn’t realize how close Boy Oneder is to his brother. Boy Oneder decided he didn’t want to go if Middleman couldn’t go.

I think the best thing to do is for me to deliver a gift and leave it on the boy’s doorstep. I will include a note to his parents, apologizing for any hurt I’ve caused and hope that we can get over this as adults so that our children can continue their relationship. Pin It

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